Aug 11, 2021
To:znf
Initially, I was going to skip Rei's journey through the mountains, progressing and coming to terms with the loss of his parents, and focusing on Kei a lot more, but I wanted to write it out for myself so I would know what he did. Then I decided to add it on a whim, and it kinda spiralled out of control from there.
Kei's story, to me, would have been repetitive. Finding something that induced his trauma, trying to deal with it, and coming to terms, and preparing the sequence would drag the story down.
There isn't much I could have done, seeing as the action is where Rei was, and Kei was trying to continue his life normally, with the burden of his past becoming too overbearing for him, eventually leading to breakdowns, trauma-induced seizures, and other implications caused from recurring thoughts related to the incident.
Additionally, it would not have been conclusive to the reader to suggest Rei attained such skill and power through merely 'training' for five years. That idea was seemingly ludicrous in my perspective. I wanted to justify his strength and his actions. Had he appeared in front of Kei as a vindictive being, without context, it would have created a disconnect between him and the reader. I also wanted to develop the Martial Arts aspect of the novel, hence why Rei's journey of learning Martial Arts was included.
With Rei's friends, I did not want to shift the story and use more time developing them when they were non-essential. They were just 'there', so to speak, to develop Rei. Like I mentioned previously, I planned on skipping the training but wanted to justify his strength. That was definitely an error on my part because later on, I'm not going to use them for the plot. Maybe they can make a brief return when the story ends, but that's their contribution, as limited as it may seem. They were intended to be what built Rei from the ground up, visages from his past that supported him, teaching him and allowing him to regain his humanity, and preventing him from becoming morally twisted for a good reason too.
I understand what you mean by the tonal issue and the insignificance of Kei up until later chapters. With him, like previously mentioned, there wasn't much I could have done with him in his hometown without causing him to go on a chase to find the villain. Developing him too quickly would have given rise to pacing issues, and it would not have made sense because he was still a teenager at the time.
With the chapters ending with a summarising passage, I intended to slow down the progression, and the speed at which the chapter was going, and leave with a cliffhanger of sorts. Yes, they do seem repetitive retrospectively, but the premise of these passages, alluding to later events, was deliberate. Reinforcing the same foreboding idea would create suspense, and would be in the back of one's mind. If it was effective is another question entirely, but I may change them if I feel the need to do so.
The timestamps dispersed throughout the chapters were just a convenience for me, allowing me to keep track of the character's ages, and how far they should progress within a period of time, or at that time.
Thank you for reading up to this point! I've enjoyed the criticism you've given thus far. It has really made me think about tone and diction, and how I'm conveying my story to the reader. Not only that but flaws that I was oblivious to or unapparent at the time of writing. It truly is difficult to understand how someone else comprehends what you write, and how they would perceive ideas or feelings, and the intricacy of the text.
Thank you again : ]
I tip my trucker hat to you.
![Tuflyel [2VL]](https://honeyfeed-novel-images.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/user/avatar/7122/ae4d4b8f-1333-482c-a7c6-de5262f9f996.jpg)
