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Orionless

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registered at: Jul 15, 2021

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aaa

Apr 17, 2025

Hmmm.. not sure how to feel about this one. I see that you pulled out a first person for him so you could better elucidate his thoughts. It also makes it feel like he really is the only one of that plane of existence.

The direction isnt too shocking or unreasonable. It’s just that it feels like his character has built up to this moment through the course of the entire story, and now this is all it took for him to lose to his humanity. Only after attaining immortality does he lose to his humanity.. how poetic. I agree with that honestly but the realization doesnt exactly feel LUCID enough. I think it’s a matter of execution rather than plot. Right now it’s like “well, I got what I wanted.. nevermind.” I feel like there should be something to actually prompt his change in thought. Maybe you did this intentionally and im being fooled or something but for a climax chapter, I think it’s safe to go a lot harder on it

Mr. Atlas

Chapter:36

Apr 17, 2025

Yeah you ain’t finding anyone Julian sorry to say it 😭

Mr. Atlas

Chapter:35

Apr 17, 2025

To:Mario Nakano 64

It’s better. You know, the more I read it, the more it does feel like an actual good chapter. Especially rhe last paragraph. Sort of breaks me. But what elukard said about having the feeling that there should’ve been a good few chapters before that led to all this still is a bit true. It’s just hard to believe that he suddenly woke up just like that. Maybe he needed like a monologue or something before idek 😭

Sales Pitch

Chapter:22

Apr 16, 2025

To:Deck of Cards

man this made me smile 😭 thanks so much and ill def catch up on ambition once the contest is over

Another Twisted Normality

Chapter:9

Apr 16, 2025

To:Orionless

i could tell you my dog died and youd react with the laughing emoji 😂

Mr. Atlas

Chapter:34

Apr 16, 2025

To:Han Quixote

dude.. thats.. so sad..

brings a tear to my eye. fair enough man fair enough

Mr. Atlas

Chapter:34

Apr 16, 2025

To:Orionless

maybe im reading too much into it ngl..

Mr. Atlas

Chapter:34

Apr 16, 2025

To:Han Quixote

YES THAT FMA OPENING IS FIRE

i really liked how abigail showed expression and all here, but one thing actually just came to my mind: doesnt her behavior here sort of contradict her letting victor go? i know you explained it and all, but it still sort of feels misplaced here. then again, she might just be fully confident in the idea that victor will come back and do whats best for humanity. but still, im a bit surprised that atlas, and nobody else for that matter, even questioned her on victor and how there is a sort of inconsistency in her thinking (at least to them).

Mr. Atlas

Chapter:34

Apr 16, 2025

Awww man Abigail is so innocent

This guy atlas has toooo much rizz bro.. LMAO im joking im joking
I like how there was a title drop in this chapter. It finally happened 🥹

It was ANOTHER chill one though, which isn’t a bad thing. Things have calmed down since the absolute chaos from before. Seems like you gave each of the three stooges a chance to talk with Abigail one on one, which I guess works to develop bonds for each of them. Not a bad idea. It fits her character too, seeing as how she will listen to anyone and everyone.

You know what this story reminds me a lot of at this point in time? Fullmetal alchemist. Abigail is literally riza Hawkeye lol. Victor is mustang but weak. Atlas is hohenheim. Julian is… Julian.

On a real note though 😭 a lot of hopefulness in this chapter. It gave me a nice feeling. I can’t really say much until I see what this leads to, but so far I can tell you’re doing a lot of buildup.

Mr. Atlas

Chapter:34

Apr 16, 2025

To:Deck of Cards

To be honest I did NOT expect you to catch up like this. Thank you so much deck of cards
Im also surprised that ur enjoying it haha hopefully it only gets better from here
I gotta catch up on your story too 😭 sorry about that Ive been busy but I will do it DECK OF CARDS

Another Twisted Normality

Chapter:9

Apr 16, 2025

To:Deck of Cards

There could’ve been but I think adella is too levelheaded for that 😂

Another Twisted Normality

Chapter:8

Apr 16, 2025

To:Deck of Cards

You don’t know how happy this makes me deck of cards
That’s exactly the feeling I wanted you to get from each of them
Thank you so much deck of cards

Another Twisted Normality

Chapter:6

Apr 16, 2025

To:Mario Nakano 64

Tbh 7.8/10 is still a fairly good score 😂 and how did I know you’d point that out about Midas..

I guess the eccentric will be eccentric

Another Twisted Normality

Chapter:9

Apr 16, 2025

To:Mario Nakano 64

I definitely enjoyed the story. Also youve made me realize that this whole thing was quite literally cherry world. Like jeter was telling the story from the characters pov… Thats actually kinda peak. My only qualm was that the ending felt rushed. The last chapter ended off in a way that implied that there would be like.. a large climax or event that would take place. But then it ends. I’ll say it again: i dont hate the ending, but it definitely felt like there could’ve been more than just “you want me to wake up? Fine I’ll do it…” (I know Thats an extreme distortion of it but Thats sort of what it felt like. In a story as convoluted (and interesting) as this, it felt like the ending should have been just as complex and layered. But it’s completely up to you in the end my man, if you, as the author, think this is the best way to end it off, then by all means ignore this cuz im just one dude passing by with a thought

Sales Pitch

Chapter:22

Apr 15, 2025

To:Han Quixote

LMAOOO ONE CENT ONLY 😭

I genuinely laughed at this bro. I honestly didn’t expect a reaction like this tbh. All I can really say is I hope I surpass your expectations haha

I gotta say though this has been the hardest story I’ve ever had to write. So if things go south.. you know why 😭 but I’m REALLY interested to see how you receive the upcoming chapters so I’ll see you then my GOAT

Another Twisted Normality

Chapter:9

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