Aug 21, 2021
It was rather hard to get into, but once I got into the mindset I have finally after all this time made good on my promise to check out your novel hahahah
Like takaishi said, the fact that it's written like it should be said out loud makes it a bit niche for this type of contest, and personally it isn't something I would read.
To be honest, what I would suggest is narrating from a 3rd person POV and making Clay voice out these thoughts. Yes, that would basically take out all the charm of this work, but at the same time it's quite difficult to read (especially for someone like me who's not familiar to the accent) which might be putting potential readers off. I think you might be able to fit the sailor mentality through Clay's spoken lines without going overboard.
