Aug 18, 2021
To:Ataga Corliss
Thank you for your long comment as usual Marshall! The OG appears once more :)
As for the part about Mari, I think I forgot to include a line which states the passage of time... in my head, Mari rested there for like 30-40 seconds catching her breath while Kohei watched (and basically politely ogled) her, so her breath came back. Oops! Thanks for catching that! Even though I've said that, I actually think you're right: paring down the sentence length would be good, so I'll do both. :)
As for the trope-aware Kohei: Hahahah yes, but not only is it a reflection of Kohei, I consider it maybe a reflection of myself as well. Now that I'm happier and I have a story I want to tell that doesn't have to rely on subverting or being self-aware as an author that what I'm doing is 'generic', I realise that I can write stuff more easily. :)
Thank you for your support as usual!!
