Feb 01, 2023
This is a really great story! You did a great job of introducing the characters, the setting, and the conflict. The dialogue between the characters is really well-written and really helps to bring the story to life. However, there are a few areas that could use some improvement.
First, the pacing of the story could use some work. You start off with a great description of the girls waking up, but then you jump ahead to them going to pick up Alethea. You could add more details about the morning routine, what the girls did before they left, and what the house was like when Alethea first moved in.
Second, there are a few typos and grammar errors that you should check for. Make sure to read your story over to catch any errors and to make sure that the sentences are flowing smoothly.
Finally, it would be great if you could add a bit more dialogue between the characters. It would be especially nice to include more of Alethea's thoughts and feelings as she moves in, as well as how the other girls are responding to her arrival.
Overall, this is a great story with a lot of potential! Keep up the great work!