Aug 31, 2022
To:swagmc
Respects ... and that is saying a lot from someone like me who writes really long comments! ๐
Thank you so much for your extensive feedback! That really helps me a lot to understand myself and my writing better!
And you also joined the Contest! ๐ฑ๐ฑ That is amazing! As I said the rules aren't that strict, so that's great. But I guess I'll have to try my luck next year then ๐๐๐๐
But now on to the things you wrote!
Yes, my inspirations actually were the Harry Potter Series, Food Wars and the Battle bit was supposed to walk a bit in the trails of Demon Slayer and general Online Battle Games. I'm also very happy with this premise and think it worked out great as well.
I'm totally with you with the bit about characters. I focused a lot on Isato and Kayami (and maybe a bit on Rukami, but she was rather on the thin side of actual character development and not THAT much more than a plot device). There are a few reasons for that (and that is only meant as a explanation, not an excuse): First of all I'm actually a rather slow writer. I can punch up and "improvise" on battles and dialogue, but intentions and character development is definitely not a part of it. And I can't just write a character sheet with wants and needs and other stuff down and just use it. The characters have to naturally grow into their environment and that takes me a lot of time and iterations. If I would have written outside of the contest, this would have taken me at least twice as long and I therefore had to compromise at other ends. Then there is the thing that all of this first Volume was meant as the part of the story where Isato "just" arrives at the school to form a foundation to build upon and establish the world all of the following things would take place in + tell the tale on how it all began. Maybe it is a bit overkill to use a whole book for that - at the beginning I even planned on making this part here just the first half. But it just felt better and more meaningful - as a kind of tone-setting exposition as well - to have the club membership not "just given" to Isato and Kayami. As I already suggested in the Afterword, in the second Volume I plan to use this established framework and give the characters a bit more depth and development.
I guess all this also drills down to is the decision about focus and pacing to not overwhelm the reader. Maybe you can tell me what you would rather prefer personally: a) Introducting side characters early on and fleshing them out later once the plot progression can step back a bit or b) Keeping characters out until they get relevant and flesh them out right away. I mean it is not black and white here (haha, black and white hats ๐), but I think for this special case the characters while still being undeveloped tend to the "atmosphere" of the club and it would have felt a bit empty without them.
I'm totally with you though! They need the same development as Isato and Kayami and they will receive it to one degree or another!
According to the story I actually planned something similar to what you were suggesting, but I won't spoil too much about that (There will be a few smaller arcs with some bigger development layered on top) ๐
The reason why I did not focus on drama right now is (and I feel like this somehow gets my get out of jail free card excuse right now, but I really mean that and will give my very best to deliver on it) that it was not my focus for this novel. Yes, this novel is paced rather slow, maybe too slow. I as well had to get familiar with this world I'm writing, but I think that now I am.
And regarding to chapter 4! ๐๐๐ I actually had two chapters of them shopping in Yokohama!! But yeah, I cut them down to one. It was intended to provide for a bit of breathing space after the rather eventful first three chapter, but surely was a dip in the pacing and more of a filler ๐
I'm really glad that you liked my writing in general though, that makes me really happy! Until now I had thought that I use a rather simple language instead of something as refined as you said. So thanks! ๐
An all in all thank you very much! I really appreciate this feedback and you got me thinking about a few things I definitely have to consider for the upcoming volumes.
A lot of successes in the contest and I'm really certain to see your novel on the short list (if it works well with the prompt boards expectations - that's the biggest hurdle I guess)! ๐๐
