Jun 30, 2022
It’s only a few chapters for me, but I think I can safely conclude that: in terms of mostly everything, this is pretty much perfect. The theme, the prose, narration, dialogue,… everything is a 10/10. I can’t really add anything else because of how good everything already is.
*But*, and I hate that I have to say this, but. This is still my personal opinion, and this is still very much subjective, but I feel like the comedy aspect is lacking. It is there, but very, very subtle, the “blink and you’ll miss it” kind. Had this not been marked as a contest entry, I wouldn’t have minded it. Heck, I prefer it being what it is right now, because considering everything else in the story, comedy is honestly not needed. But since it is still a contest entry, it’s unfortunately a minus.