Mar 08, 2025
Not going to lie, I just pictured Indiana Jones until your character got a description 😅
Might want to describe them a little earlier, or hint at their appearance more. But other than that, nothing too poignant. Maybe there's a bit more adverbs than I'd like to see though. And a double whammy, but you use the word "clearly" twice in one paragraph
The prose overall was pretty appealing to me. I appreciate the more bite-size paragraphs that made reading the chapter quite seamless. Other stories just drop huge paragraph after huge paragraph which makes it harder to keep my attention. Everyone has their preferences though
I liked the minimalist descriptions too. I just personally enjoy picturing my own images in my head without the author necessarily needing to handhold my way through the story. Though I do recommend describing your character a bit more than just "elf ears, purple dress and hat, and sword". You can't always rely on your cover to do your work for you (But I do love the cover 😍)
Maybe when she looks at her hand in the dark room, that's an excuse to describe any scars the hand has. Or maybe mention how small and effeminate it looks to convey her sex to your reader. Perhaps when you describe her body as "lit" in the dark, that's a good opportunity for physical description too.
But yeah, that's about all I got. Good luck in your future endeavors!
