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Dracors

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A bored engineer who wanted to write a little bit as a hobby with the dream of giving up on being an engineer.

registered at: May 27, 2022

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aaa

Sep 02, 2022

Uff. A little tense there, but all ended well... Very good. Even more when we got a new squad member on the "we saw them" list.

The Underwriters

Chapter:13

Sep 02, 2022

To:Kumo-Ten

They learned it with the Spanish Inquisition. No one ever expects this kind of attack...

Idolatry

Chapter:6

Sep 02, 2022

To:Kumo-Ten

Fufufufu. Another little thing to think about. It's almost as if the characters had mysterious backstories to help blindsight the reader about the main mystery. I wonder who thought about that...

Idolatry

Chapter:5

Sep 02, 2022

To:Kumo-Ten

She has all the necessary tools from cheap pick-up lines to full-on hypnosis. Everything a friend needs to score a date!

Idolatry

Chapter:4

Sep 02, 2022

To:Kumo-Ten

I'll slightly disappoint you with the description part, sadly... It kind fit well in my head, so I never went too deep into explaining how the 100 levels of the city fit the massive buildings and all. Another thing to my notes.

Amy has an... "interesting"... personality if you will. I'll warn you that her internal mysteries may end up having you surprised with the main mystery.

Idolatry

Chapter:3

Sep 02, 2022

I cackled the moment she noticed her thoughts were going loud... That was a good one. Anyway, she knows now, so accept the call of the yuri gods and sail this freaking ship!

Nice fight scene, by the way. Some small pieces I had to re-read, but it was very well done overall.

The Underwriters

Chapter:12

Sep 02, 2022

I forgot it until the moment I saw the name of this chapter, but... THE GROCERIES FOR HIBIKI'S FATHER!!! The old man is toast if the elevators go down. I know you're working, but don't forget your dad for two days(?) like this...

Back to the story, it seems that the West guy was shady in the end... Or maybe it's a red herring... It seems that things are reaching the climax now.

The Underwriters

Chapter:11

Sep 02, 2022

To:Kumo-Ten

Seeing the same witness every time and never being able to get anything from her should be a real pain for sure. She's a resourceful idol though, so that's that.

Idolatry

Chapter:2

Sep 02, 2022

If the 2nd is already a massive level of despair, imagine how much in need they were after going through 27 freaking engines... That's some very thorough cleanup. I sadly still can't manage a theory though, so I'll just keep moving.

I would like to see mentioned where Hibiki got all these modifications thoughts. She seems quite high-tech for someone who should be poor... I feel something interesting hidden in there.

The Underwriters

Chapter:10

Sep 02, 2022

To:Kumo-Ten

Amy's a fun puzzle, I personally think she's even the best part of the novel, but it seems that focusing too much on her backfired a little when thinking about how clear the story was. Point taken.

Idolatry

Chapter:1

Sep 02, 2022

To:Kumo-Ten

This is the part where I pretend to not have taken a steampunk story and adapted it to cyberpunk, right? Glad you liked the idea.

Your points make a lot of sense. I'll have to work on it a little bit when possible... Keep it coming if you will.

Idolatry

Chapter:0

Sep 02, 2022

Uh, worldbuilding! Felt a little clunky to be fair, but not really a problem in general. Exposition is a pain in the ass no matter how you do it...

Funny that the highest authority is an insurance company, but my story has a patent office that works almost the same as your organization, so I can't say much.

The Underwriters

Chapter:9

Sep 02, 2022

A natural good cop bad cop routine, eh? Seems like Hibiki is a natural at this job. This can go a little too far though, so I'm not sure if it's a plus or a minus by this point.

The Underwriters

Chapter:8

Sep 02, 2022

Jerk move, but understandable as long as he actually cares about his daughter... That's still to be proved to me, so I'll stay on maybe for now.

Nitpicky again, but not checking the cameras or even thinking about them seems a little weird considering the setting, you know? Even without being in the future, cameras would be the first thing someone would ask for when investigating. That's still minor though.

The Underwriters

Chapter:7

Sep 02, 2022

Thank you for the food... I don't condone taking pictures without permission though.

Again, Mr. West is hurried now while he wasn't even close to that in the mansion... If it is intentional, then you're managing to get my attention quite well.

The Underwriters

Chapter:6

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