Jun 12, 2022
The wording is a tad bit awkward in some places, but I'm not entirely sure that's not just an intentional choice. First person is hard to do well, but you've managed to give your main lead very distinctive, acerbic sort of voice. It's interesting how he's completely utilitarian in the way he analyzes everything, which makes him seem utterly cold and unsympathetic, but you also go out of your way to show that he applies that same view to himself when he's analyzing how his own death could be taken advantage of by his family, and actually *approves* of that -- all the while his sister seems to be genuinely trying to save him without any such ulterior motives.
All in all, a pretty neat intro. Gives a good idea of the character and his circumstances without going too far. 👍