Jun 21, 2025
I guess most I'll say would be an echo of what you've heard earlier. But I have to start somewhere, right? 
First the structure. The use of kanjis/hiragana/katakana ..... The first ones I took a glance at them, then I stopped paying mind. For the reader, they bring nothing particular to the narration especially for people who can't read them. The only people who'd ( possibly ) enjoy that would be people who not only speak English but Japanese as well, which drastically reduces your audience. If you can avoid to use them, it may be better; if you absolutely want to use them no matter what; like it's a question of life or death then maybe at least do it less often and write their meaning next to them lile you did in the first line. At least the reader would be aware of what you write
As for the bold, italic or any other specific text-highlighting it disturbs the reading, it often feels kinda weird and out of place. That's typically what you use only when needed. Like, idk, if it happens once or twice a chapter okay ( still too much I think but oh well ), more is too much. To emphasise a point, it would be better to use words instead. Mmhh.... Oh. There are, as well, too much paragraphs along with the extremely short sentences, what makes the narration feel broken. An overruse of short sentences kills the emphasis they allow while among sentences of a classis length. Parsimony is a win. Since the story is art-centered, I'd compare it to music. The notes are not meant to be apart, on their own, but so that their sounds form a whole, a partition.
Then, about the story itself, for now I don't have a lot to say as it is the beginning but — because of stated above about the structure — it's hard to follow the events' unfolding.
The transition between your second and third paragraph is abrupt. It sounds like: "This my name, age. Things about my town." And right after that "I found myself on the way to school." It's errrr I don't know but it may be interesting to reflect upon that part 
