lolitroy / Comments

lolitroy

I usually read back as a courtesy but if you're gonna read JUST so I return the favor, heed my warning: I won't.

I do follow back in case it wasn't obvious, but I get bombarded by notifs (in case it wasn't obvious) from story updates, so if I haven't feel free to tell me in a comment or smth

apparently my writing style is too avant-garde for the weebs or some shit but if you ask me that's just a polite way to tell me I have terminal skill issue

registered at: Aug 04, 2022

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aaa

Oct 01, 2025

ngl it's hard to know who's talking sometimes because everyone talks the same and there's a lot of instances where dialogue is separated from the paragraph with action for some reason, so I have to reread to know what is happening. I'm pointing this out because it could be easily avoided by having paragraphs and dialogue in the same chonk, which you do anyway, so I'm not sure why there's so many instances where this isn't the case? It's even worse because a lot of the time, there's multiple people talking, and again, they all talk like the same person.

I also genuinely feel like some chapters weren't edited as well. There aren't typos, but a LOT of dialogue is "like this" instead of "like this.". One could make an argument about the lone dialogue strips being a stylistic choice, but this is grammatically wrong, plain and simple.

I feel like I've been chewing you out too much so to say some nice things, I liked the description of the city a lot, and not only because it has 'cake' in it. A city full of dark (?) elves (?) is also pretty based, and I genuinely feel like the king and queen showed more personality this chapter than everyone else combined before. That might be why this 'arc' has been my favorite so far.

The Sun Will Rise Again

Chapter:15

Oct 01, 2025

really looking forward to the loredump
I never thought I'd say this but I'm AWAITING an infodump

The Sun Will Rise Again

Chapter:12

Oct 01, 2025

maybe it's because of the way the story is set up, but i feel like it'd REALLY benefit from a moment where they can just sit down and have a chat
There's been a lot of running away but little explanation, and what little I can gather is very vague. This feels like the extreme end of 'show don't tell'. I'll just say it, it's OKAY to post info dumps every once in a while. I don't get why the other side is better or worse than this one aside from vague mentions of people turning bad and there's been very little background to any character, Rina included, so at this point they're strangers running away to me, not people I'm invested in. Karim is probably the one with the most personality so far and I couldn't even say why, it's just a vibe. I guess everyone is nice? What else? I thought Rina's shtick was that she was Kind(TM) and Nice(TM) but she was like 'ok let's kill the dragon' even though the animal showed no real danger, then killed someone, and I thought that they would REACT, but everyone just kind of moved on, and now Selene said she doesn't want anyone else to die senselessly? Sure, so the other side can die but not yours? Since nothing remotely bad has been shown, only told about the other side being bad (ironically enough), Rina's side unironically seems worse than the supposed enemy.

Rina is kind to kittens which, cool, whatever, many people are, but that's the thing: MANY people are. That's not a personality trait. It's like thinking dogs are cute. You know what's genuinely kind? Showing empathy to those who aren't like you. Maybe this'll happen later and she'll end up uniting both sides (I think the story might head there) but for now, she's someone who feeds cats but nonchalantly talks about killing dragons and the 'opposite side'. Selene crying about it when nobody cared about the dead soldier is almost hypocritical, but I digress. Again, anyone can mourn and empathize with those like them. It doesn't tell me anything good.

The Sun Will Rise Again

Chapter:11

Oct 01, 2025

oh ok she's just gonna
ok then

The Sun Will Rise Again

Chapter:10

Oct 01, 2025

bruh why did you skip the story I thought we'd get a much awaited info dump

rina seems extremely nonplussed for what just happened but I'm assuming that she'll react properly once the heat of the moment goes down

The Sun Will Rise Again

Chapter:9

Oct 01, 2025

what's up with so many bits of dialogue without punctuation

The Sun Will Rise Again

Chapter:8

Oct 01, 2025

So far the story seems pretty thematically rich (if a bit too on the nose with the constant repetition). While I was a bit put off by how Aki survived despite Rina messing up, I guess it makes sense if the point is that it's ok to fail because you can try again? But idk, exploring the theme through a literal miracle survival isn't a choice I'd go for at least. It kind of muddles the idea if trying again is RNG dependent. The same goes for the inciting incident which is legit just 'yea lol why not' and then the thing happens. Sure, it serves its purpose and a lot of stories start this way, but I feel like there's usually some kind of setup before the chasing cat event. As it is, it felt pretty weak to me, but I digress.

The Sun Will Rise Again

Chapter:4

Sep 30, 2025

To:Mara

MARA PRAISE
thank you I think I struggle with remembering that ppl aren't mind readers so I give too little exposition and/or rely too much on subtext without really paying it off, so I was focusing on improving that for this story. I'm glad to see it's working at least somewhat :D this made my day