Sep 15, 2022
Personally, I think it would have been more interesting to make the pitfall nonlethal and have Kobayashi and Kurosawa fall in anyway. By forcing the group to separate, you could build more tension, as it would show that the cast is in way over their heads and can't predict what will happen to them next. Also, Ishikawa's angry tirade toward Himura felt redundant, as Kurosawa had acted in the exact same highly aggressive and overly physical manner towards Kobayashi last chapter. I think maybe you should have differentiated the angry behavior of the two upperclassmen, even if only slightly (maybe by leaning more into verbal abuse or just silent rage), or have Ishikawa react in an entirely different manner (like just pure shell-shock after watching her boyfriend disappear down a massive pitfall) and reserve the anger for a later time (like for sudden revenge, etc.). I can understand why you made the narrative decisions you did, but I just wanted to give some critique. Still, great work!