minatika

minatika

Avid reader and bird watcher that uses too many emojis in her comments 👍

Mostly Offline // Reading Only

My current writing projects are focused on publication so I can't post them online ❤️ If you like my work, please wish me luck as I try to become an author.

registered at: Jun 02, 2023
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    Finalist - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2023











    Love Sorceress Cover Art (Purple Edition!)
    With a Love Sorceress I'll Make My Romance Last!
    Chapter:12


    Nov 29, 2023

    To:Bubbles

    Definitely agree with you on the idea that the “responsibility of figuring out what’s wrong in a relationship” shouldn’t just be on one party -- a relationship goes both ways. I get to this mutual aspect later on in the story, but I see what you mean about it feeling gendered and one-sided here in the beginning 🤔 Hmm. I definitely *don’t* want the message to be “guys should listen more, and girls should say their feelings more.” It was meant to be more along the lines of: “Both parties in the relationship need to communicate effectively (either by listening more or speaking more, as needed)” But I can see how it comes across as the former due to the way I framed the situation and the genders I gave to the characters. Definitely some unfortunate implications there, I’ll see what I can do to alleviate that!

    Your idea of Hiroyuki going ahead and pre-buying tickets for the movie is a good way to show him over-assuming and imposing (“She’ll definitely want to go to the movie! I don’t even need to ask if she wants me to buy them!”) without painting him as a bad guy, so I might work that into the beginning chapters to make his relationship issues with Amamiya have more weight.
    I’m still trying to work on a way to balance the gender aspects without turning everyone non-binary xD (someday I’ll just write the all-NB story I’m dreaming about.) But maybe my attempts at avoiding gendering it too much (while still having gendered issues) actually made the story feel wishy-washy and lacking in solid concepts.

    I didn’t have as clear of an ending / message in mind when I started writing the novel. So I know that resulted in some muddied messages, due to the theme shifting as I went! I’ll see if there’s places I can try to make the moral direction clearer and more defined!

    As for the aspects about “do-over with new love interest” and the concept with fate…those messages end up changing over the course of the story, so let me know how you feel about them by the end 👍 :bee_wheart:

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    Love Sorceress Cover Art (Purple Edition!)
    With a Love Sorceress I'll Make My Romance Last!
    Chapter:6


    Nov 29, 2023

    Yep. Yep it really was Ymara. 😆 omg Daffodil and Asterion looking at each other and both dead-pan saying “Ymara” at the same time got me. That was a fantastic moment <3

    And now, Chamomile knows the situation, and she’s on board with this quest to defeat the Demon Lord. Buuut…she doesn’t quite know Asterion and Daffodil’s relationship yet 😉 I actually think it’s slightly sweet that Asterion didn’t want to tell her. I think Asterion was trying to protect Daffodil, and didn’t want them to reveal their relationship to someone who might judge them for it or make unnecessary comments. They can tell Chamomile in due time, once they know her better, and can talk to her in confidence!

    And yesss the well worked! Now they know where the shrines are…but the threat of the Demon Lord finding out still looms. And Chamomile, while helpful for fights, is now a little bit of a threat since she might accidentally slip and reveal their plans! I like all the stakes you’ve set up here, and could DEFINITELY see you continuing this into a second book!! I know you have 3 volumes planned, so I am SUPER excited for more.

    If you want to get more readers here on HF I definitely recommend hopping over to the Discord and asking to see if anyone wants to do a Read Trade in the Boy’s Love category! (You can do a read trade with anyone, but I think if you specific BL then you’ll definitely get people who are excited for the romance ❤️❤️❤️) I'd like to see more people check out this story, as I think it has a very fun start, and there's a lot of opportunity here with the concepts for this plot to blossom and become something awesome.

    My one feedback would be that I felt like there was a lot of added technical details that could be edited to make the chapters snappier. For example, in Chamomile's introduction chapter, you mentioned her being worried about catching an in-game ferry that arrived at exactly 12:03PM and left a minute later, and the ferry would then travel for an hour, and during that time she made lunch. While this gives detail to the video game, it is a LOT of narrative detailing to get to the actual relevant plot point, which is just: "Chamomile traveled to Sarina." There's lots of little things like this throughout the novel that tend to slow down the story and add filler details. I think if you edited some of that down, you'd have a much more evenly-paced novel overall. I don't want you to take it all out entirely (because a lot of the details are fun world-building!) but I think just looking over the novel with editing in mind, you'll probably naturally see some details you can tighten up! :bee_thumbs:

    That said, I still very much enjoyed this, and I leave that feedback in hopes of making this piece stronger! ❤️ Thank you for sharing your writing!! And congrats again on writing this first novel 👏🎊

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    I Was Turned Into an NPC and Now I Have to Fight the Demon Lord!
    Chapter:32