Nov 29, 2023
Yep. Yep it really was Ymara. 😆 omg Daffodil and Asterion looking at each other and both dead-pan saying “Ymara” at the same time got me. That was a fantastic moment <3
And now, Chamomile knows the situation, and she’s on board with this quest to defeat the Demon Lord. Buuut…she doesn’t quite know Asterion and Daffodil’s relationship yet 😉 I actually think it’s slightly sweet that Asterion didn’t want to tell her. I think Asterion was trying to protect Daffodil, and didn’t want them to reveal their relationship to someone who might judge them for it or make unnecessary comments. They can tell Chamomile in due time, once they know her better, and can talk to her in confidence!
And yesss the well worked! Now they know where the shrines are…but the threat of the Demon Lord finding out still looms. And Chamomile, while helpful for fights, is now a little bit of a threat since she might accidentally slip and reveal their plans! I like all the stakes you’ve set up here, and could DEFINITELY see you continuing this into a second book!! I know you have 3 volumes planned, so I am SUPER excited for more.
If you want to get more readers here on HF I definitely recommend hopping over to the Discord and asking to see if anyone wants to do a Read Trade in the Boy’s Love category! (You can do a read trade with anyone, but I think if you specific BL then you’ll definitely get people who are excited for the romance ❤️❤️❤️) I'd like to see more people check out this story, as I think it has a very fun start, and there's a lot of opportunity here with the concepts for this plot to blossom and become something awesome.
My one feedback would be that I felt like there was a lot of added technical details that could be edited to make the chapters snappier. For example, in Chamomile's introduction chapter, you mentioned her being worried about catching an in-game ferry that arrived at exactly 12:03PM and left a minute later, and the ferry would then travel for an hour, and during that time she made lunch. While this gives detail to the video game, it is a LOT of narrative detailing to get to the actual relevant plot point, which is just: "Chamomile traveled to Sarina." There's lots of little things like this throughout the novel that tend to slow down the story and add filler details. I think if you edited some of that down, you'd have a much more evenly-paced novel overall. I don't want you to take it all out entirely (because a lot of the details are fun world-building!) but I think just looking over the novel with editing in mind, you'll probably naturally see some details you can tighten up! 
That said, I still very much enjoyed this, and I leave that feedback in hopes of making this piece stronger! ❤️ Thank you for sharing your writing!! And congrats again on writing this first novel 👏🎊
