Aug 22, 2023
"I'm afraid that there's nothing [...]" — who says this? If it's the mysterious voice, should this be in bold?
"uy!"—why do you have an upside-down exclamation mark there?
"he smiles at him"—who is who? Aksel to Julian? The butler to Aksel?
Have you considered using a free tool like Grammarly to double-check your story? It's pretty good to catch mistakes that we, non-native speakers, would overlook. I don't think Honeyfeed requires it explicitly, but most similar platforms mandate writers to use this kind of tool.
"Aksel misunderstood [...]"—I don't understand this sentence. What did he misunderstand?
POV is a bit too unstable for my taste. One time, it's the kid's perspective, the other, it switches to the butler and tells us his deepest secrets. I'm not sure what the overall plot is, but it feels like you've told us too many times that the butler wishes to help but can't. It would have been better to merely imply it.
All in all, I have the vibe of an Escape House type of game right now. I'm expecting puzzles and problem-solving. I'm expecting a very bad things to happen soon, because even though you haven't added the "horror" tag, you still added the "survival" tag, so yeah, things will get ugly 😆
