Apr 11, 2025
I get the intent here of trying to hook the reader with a relatable MC and then a female lead with a interesting (but rather suddenly introduced backstory).
It serves the purpose of marking down right away how your story will be different, but at the same time, I can't ignore the disconnect it forms with jumping from a sweet encounter online to 'death and youkai'. It feels like you should've have focused on one or the other. I actually prefer the latter, as it reads less like a summary of events.
Starting with the youkai backstory and having her look at her phone in anticipation of his arrival to counter the tragedy. And then, the reader finding out who this source of relief is, would feel like less of a mid chapter 'surprise!' for the sake of it.
