Mar 06, 2025
To:Orionless
Yes, I am very glad that you pointed out the awkwardness in dialogue.
If you couldn't tell, I feel like my weakness is actually dialogue between characters. I seem to really, REALLY struggle with proper flow, especially when there's so much information I want to throw in there (ex: should I tell the reader every single time that he lies, or should I just let the reader figure it out on their own?).
It's funny you mention his disingenuity , because that last part of the chapter, where he is about to tell her something, was actually me considering making Victor just fully commit himself to his beliefs early on and changing their dynamics permanently, but I did decide to make him waver--because imagining their interactions where they both absolutely believed in their ideals would make them probably argue all the time, or make Victor lie about everything to the point that his POV would no longer be interesting, and I'd have to rely on Abigail's POV. I had the same exact thought as you, where I was like "damn, he's kinda going back on the conviction he had in the earlier chapter."
Also, Victor's hesitation on giving up that warmth that Abigail provides his heart--that's my favorite part of their relationship. It's something that I'm familiar with, so I have fun expressing that paradoxical feeling. I don't think I can give that up just yet, when there's a bit more to explore.
But either way, Victor Truman is a human being who tries to behave otherwise. It's easy to pretend to be something you're not when you're alone (such as an empty cathedral, in his case)--it's much harder to pretend when someone you know is in front of you. Still, this may change if he actually manages to "become immortal" (who knows? Haha).
I think the main reason I used his name three times in a row in the segment you mentioned is because I thought there was a chance that the reader may become confused between the line breaks... because if I created three separate line breaks with dialogue without indicating that it's still him speaking, the reader may become lost temporarily (although I'm pretty certain that they would be able to figure it out). Still, because you've told me this, I think I'll try to find an alternative way to bypass that awkwardness. Hmmmm....
The current issue also of not being able to full-blown contrast their ideals through dialogue is because if Abigail found out what he was really thinking, Victor's entire plan would fall apart and he would be pretty much screwed... But perhaps there's a way to circumvent this. Either way, the only way I can think of to fully show contrast in their beliefs is through their separate internal dialogues and allowing them to compare them on their own--which will happen in later chapters, through their own separate moments of introspections. I'm actually excited for those chapters, but unfortunately it will have to wait until a later part of the story, since the story will now be handed back to Atlas and Julian in the second part, haha. But I do predict that their ideals will eventually clash directly.
I think this chapter and the prologue are actually my least confident ones, so I'll probably have to make some adjustments before I move on, taking your advice and making adjustments as necessary. Frankly, I was a bit hesitant with the results of this chapter compared to "1.2", but I wanted to dip my feet in the water, just to see how it would do. Kind of a silly move, but that's just a bad habit of mine.
Well, this marks the end of the first part of the story, so at least now I've set all the foundations for the rest to follow. We're back where the original two chapters left off!
I could technically proceed onto part 2, but I should probably wait until I get the results I want first.
Thanks again, for the insights and tips! It really makes me explore my own thoughts while writing and also gives me an awareness of what a reader might be thinking, and whether or not it contrasts with my own beliefs.
And seriously, that comment about the line breaks... Thanks for bringing attention to that. I'll try to do something about it.
