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Apr 29, 2025
To:Orionless
Well, I guess that's good. I didn't want to accidentally scare some writer off. But I personally think the first chapter in particular has a lot of little details that creates a strange feeling as a whole. Eh. The only way I can truly confirm this is if someone else rolls around and interprets my writing in a way I did. But yeah, I probably freaked myself out because it was late at night.
Still, really reminds me of that time I called Adriel's life tragic while you were like "what"
The beauty of having two people read the same thing and come out with different results haha
Honestly, after writing first chapter, I got so freaked out by my own writing that I couldn't sleep I was going back and forth wondering whether or not I should mark this as horror or not (unfortunately there isn't an "existential horror" tag). And I can't even tell if I'm the only one who feels this strange dread (perhaps to the point of even causing mild fear) coming from these pieces of writing or there actually is something strange in these chapters that are a bit freaky.
I'm not entirely sure what's causing it, but yeah. Very interesting psychological results, at least to me as the writer. Not sure about the reader.
Adella: "I am sane protagonist. It's so cool!!! Sonovabich"
Can't wait for Adella to show up in ACC wearing a lab coat (Horrible idea, and it's only allowed after the contest 💀)
And as a side note, this is perhaps the first time we've seen Midas explicitly "fail" at getting what he wants. Adella's elbow was just that powerful.
The "Adella Is a Time Traveler" theory continues...
God I hope my shenanigans don't end up leading to a character assassination
My head canon is that Adella got a hold of a microwave, slapped a phone onto it, sent an email to her past self saying "Elbow Midas. Does something stupid", then she receives the email and then we get this alternate scene.
Anyway, yeah, this works better. And I like the little added detail of Midas "just trying to be normal."
I still think the last three lines give me ACC vibes, but, well, seeing that Midas seems to be aware of the readers presence (unlike Adriel in ACC who is just monologuing to himself), I mean, sure. Yeah.
This chapter passes the Orionless check.
Sudden thought, but you know, with all the omniscient vibes in this story (and especially with Midas just wanting to hang out with friends), I can imagine you doing a reversal and just switching the tag to "The End Is Now" hahaha
(FYI, the "The End Is Now" prompt is quite strict too, so I wouldn't actually suggest you even consider this unless you can make the correct accommodations and understand the RULES.)
I mean don't take that too seriously, but if this idea fires something in your brain, it might work, who knows. I don't know what you have in plan from here on out, but yeah.
I liked this chapter a lot more. Easier to believe, easier to imagine.
Adella is my GOAT protagonist for changing the future here (I'm guessing no one else will understand what the hell I'm saying for the most part but I find it funny to imagine she's a time traveler now)
Apr 28, 2025
At this point I should just make a Han Quixote deleted comments compilation one day haha
I was like "yeah this feels a bit too depressing for it to be in the HoneyFeed comment section"
And I did copy the comment before deleting it (I usually do, if I think it has merit), so don't worry, it's not lost in the abyss.
It's a blue monday (these shades will protect others from seeing us shed our manly tears)
I think about this comment at least once a day Do I keep you accountable or nah...?
To:Taylor J
... I can't believe the Gundam Space Colony was actually an inspiration for this. I'm genuinely baffled. The things I learn about people's works through simply sharing my opinion on their work... wow. This is why I love commenting long thoughts HAHA
That is quite a jarring introduction to a character (is that a pun? Did I just make a pun? On accident?). There is no build-up. Haruna just begins speaking. And this works because on the first chapter, the protagonist mentions that his wife is still here. So while it's surprising, the reader can quickly figure out that this was in the realm of expectations.
The dialogue and the interactions between the protagonist and Haruna are peculiar to me. This is neither a positive or a negative, but I did expect the protagonist to interact with his dead wife with less "vividness" and perhaps less "emotional expression" from the said dead wife. So this is something that goes against what I expected from the first chapter... but it's not a negative. I'm simply letting you know this because I as a reader like telling an author how I feel while reading. Perhaps my observations can end up changing things in the long run.
Other than that, this chapter is filled with more unique descriptions of the mundane. The argument against the "first step" being the hardest was definitely unique and extremely memorable (I, too, fear slamming into an uninsured car with my bike). The people in the train looking at their phones worrying about things that lie literally worlds away are also acute.
So the main new element here is the dialogue/relationship between the protagonist and his wife. It's something that there's not enough information for me to perfectly put a finger on how it will work just yet.
Either way, the writing style holds up from the first chapter. I'm a bit confident now that you can keep up that quality.
The only unpredictable element remaining now is the dialogue. This is clearly just the introduction to their relationship; there's probably a lot more depth left to be covered. Or perhaps I am wrong, I don't know. But I do feel that the dialogue's true nature will inevitably show up later on when they end up talking about more particular things.
That said, it's obviously all up to you. You are the writer.
Good job on keeping the quality consistent
And as a side note, I did have the Hana-bi soundtrack playing in my ears while reading this, haha. I think this is an excellent sign for how I feel about this story.
To:Deck of Cards
To return the "no pressure" feeling, there's no pressure on you to return my sentiments. I only commented because I like commenting, I promise. But it'd be rude to tell you to not to do so, so I won't say anymore. Still, you should only do so if you have the time to do so and if you end up liking it. I think HoneyFeed works the best when two authors mutually enjoy each other's work. If not, it kinda becomes stressful.
As of now, I basically only read & follow through if I find a story interesting enough. It's generally a random distribution of authors that catch my attention.
... This is more of just commentary on the writer-reader system as a whole, so don't think too hard about it. I just felt like writing this somewhere HAHA. Still, I hope you don't strain yourself. I'd like to save your time and energy if possible
Let's work hard!
To:Han Quixote
Emojis galore
I totally understand the feeling, haha. I think it really is like a butterfly effect. A single reader can change the course of an entire novel.
Wow, I didn't realize this was originally written for a contest. And I didn't know you wrote action beforehand. I couldn't tell, since this was the only published novel I see written under your name.
I do treat stories like mysteries/puzzles, so I did a little digging just now and found that the contest's end date was on September 1st, 2022. So I guess chapter 17 was when you stopped writing (it's funny because I can tell that the story was supposed to prematurely stop there. Chapter 17 is literally titled "Ambition and the Foreign Girl" hahaha).
Anyway, that's an impressive gallery! I didn't realize you drew that much stuff for this novel. And I see in advance that there's many more characters who will later join this club
And I'm glad no one has made out in this story.... I mean, don't stop yourself from writing a make out scene because of me, but.... I just wanted to acknowledge that statement you made because I found it weirdly funny
Anyway, I hope you can get the story to where you want it to go. I'm sure that day will come, if you take it one step at a time. It's quite admirable. And if it helps (I really don't like making promises), I do believe I will most likely reappear here and there. Unless, I don't know, something really bad happens
Eh. The only way I can truly confirm this is if someone else rolls around and interprets my writing in a way I did. But yeah, I probably freaked myself out because it was late at night.
I was going back and forth wondering whether or not I should mark this as horror or not (unfortunately there isn't an "existential horror" tag). And I can't even tell if I'm the only one who feels this strange dread (perhaps to the point of even causing mild fear) coming from these pieces of writing or there actually is something strange in these chapters that are a bit freaky.
Very interesting psychological results, at least to me as the writer. Not sure about the reader.
I didn't realize you drew that much stuff for this novel. And I see in advance that there's many more characters who will later join this club