Han Quixote

Han Quixote

registered at: Nov 28, 2024
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    Comments Level 5
    Published Novel Level 2
    Published Chapter Level 4
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    Apr 28, 2025

    ...............................................................................................................................
    ^that's my initial reaction. No words. Just... blank surprise.

    Here's the thing. I avoid romance with a passion. I did end up on this page multiple times in the past, but I could never bring myself to properly start it because I genuinely dislike romance stories. For example, I was reading a certain novel by George Orwell just fine until people started making out. I genuinely have NOT picked it back up ever since (which does make me realize I should probably get back onto it eventually. I mean, it's a good book).

    Well, in that sense, this chapter has defied all my expectations. I'm sure the romance will come rolling in at some point, but the point is that I didn't think that the story would do anything beyond romance. But it did.

    First of all, I think this is genuinely the first novel I've read where it's written in third-person. And you did it very well. I personally think third-person sometimes makes things complex in writing, but it seems that there's no issue here (it also made me realize that I can probably learn from this novel, but this is a bit of a tangential comment).

    Another thing that caught my attention was the fact that you've clearly done your research. Your mention of Rengo Sekigun made me go and search it up, and lo and behold, it's an actual part of Japanese history. That caught me off guard. I mean, who brings that kind of stuff up? It really did add on to the immersion. It's like evidence that this isn't just a story with characters who happen to have Japanese names--it genuinely tries to place these characters in their appropriate settings.

    And about the blackmail that happens in this chapter. I think it was a very interesting way to subvert expectations (bringing up the teacher's past just to send him a video of him clogging a toilet and running away). If Tani actually had blackmailed him with anything "official," I would have begun to think that he was ridiculously equipped for a student... but then he ended up having something a bit less serious. This FITS his identity has a student. He's clever, but he's not like a hardened criminal. This sets the tone of the rest of the novel excellently. The story isn't life or death, but there's some real stakes here.

    There's also small things that fit in an anime, like the line about "electrical signals" that travel in sparks between the two.

    So all in all... The chapter works. It's defied my expectations. It's impressive.
    ... There's not much else to say. I'm not exactly sure yet how this story will play out (and how I would/will react to it), but this is a very strong opening.

    ... I'm honestly still in shock. Well, I guess I should probably end the comment here. You did an excellent job. :bee_thumbs: You've clearly put in the effort.

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    1
    AFG contest cover
    Ambition and the Foreign Girl
    Chapter:1

    Apr 28, 2025

    I don't know if you know Albert Camus's "The Stranger" (admittedly I only read halfway through it around January, and my excuse for not finishing it would be that I got busy), but this reads like that but with a lot more emotion packed into it. This a fascinating writing style, and it's very hard to tell where the sentence begins and when it ends, or where the idea begins and when it ends, but that's a part of its unique charm.

    It creates an interesting psychological profile of the protagonist, because you can tell that he's explaining things yet does it in a way that's strangely detailed and complex, almost making it hard for the reader to follow. So rather than making his thoughts easier, he assumes that the reader will follow along the story if they're invested enough.

    And frankly, yes, this did pique my curiosity. The protagonist's mannerisms in expressing himself are strong enough to the point that a reader follows the story without having their hand held.

    To add on to that, one of the things that first caught my eye was the fact that the protagonist goes into an extensive/chaotic description of what was on the "checklist". It's a bit hard to read, but you can tell that the protagonist really is trying to full convey his thoughts without trying to just say things in a way that the reader would easily understand.

    But in reverse, he also makes clear that he isn't telling the reader everything just yet ("sorry, I'm not ready to spill the details on"). So you can tell that the protagonist does spill his heart and yet is also withholding information until later on, which also makes the reader want to keep reading.

    This is an awesome chapter. There's not much else to say.

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    1
    We suffered so well together
    Chapter:0

    Apr 27, 2025

    To:Orionless

    It's against contest rules to write spin-offs and stuff until the contest actually ends :bee_sweat: And I don't really have much "meaningful" things left to write about, honestly. I've poured basically everything out of my heart onto the novel.

    I actually did go look through my backlog recently to see if I can start another novel (and even edited it a bit), but I decided I don't really have a strong desire to start another story yet. I don't feel like I have anything "valuable" left to add. Maybe I can write something "interesting", maybe, but it won't be as meaningful to me as this specific story.

    But I do think if I write another novel, it'll probably be an antithesis to the themes of this novel. Like really dark and gritty. And insane. Like, everyone in the story would be mentally awful LOL (and most likely would be written in first-person, to really illustrate the insanity of the protagonist).

    ^(This would make a lot of sense as the next project, but it's definitely going to force me to think about things I've kinda mentally moved away from over the course of writing this novel. Which I don't particularly like, but if I do end up choosing this option as the next project, well, let's just hope my mental health won't be affected negatively. And hopefully, the answers I've found while writing "Mr. Atlas" won't be undone.)

    Either that, or the story would lean even more towards the mundane (probably about my feelings on writing). But if I'm going to write about the mundane, it'll probably take a LOT of effort to make it actually interesting. Which means a lot more learning and thinking.

    Or maybe a third option that I haven't thought of yet. Maybe I'll write a toned down version of the "insane" option I talked about. I don't know. But I'm not confident enough to leave this story in its current form, so...

    ... So yeah. For now, I'm just gonna revise the story until the contest ends.

    I know you were joking, yeah, but I guess I have a lot more room to write comments at my original lengths because I have more time on my hands now that the initial draft of the novel is complete :honey_lol:

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    1
    Mr. Atlas Cover 4
    Mr. Atlas
    Chapter:50




    Apr 27, 2025

    To:Orionless

    Wellllll I know I've been explaining this a bit but I do want to reiterate one more time...

    We don't actually know how Mary and Julian's lives end as the universe collapses. Because for Mary in particular, the point of her character is going forward despite not knowing if her life will get better or worse--she goes forward in the HOPES that things will get better.
    So I figured that showing her end would miss the point of her character's existence--her life could have ended up horribly wrong in the direction of Abigail's end, or her life could have ended up incredibly right in the direction of Victor's end. But not knowing IS the point.

    I guess I'm explaining this a lot because Mary Everhart's existence is central to the overall themes of this story. Victor's & Abigail's stories mainly moved the plot forward, while Mary's story was more about accepting that her life isn't perfect. Obviously there's some overlaps here and there, but to me, Mary is definitely the character who brings the existentialist feeling into the story. Without her existence, Atlas and Julian would probably have just done dumb things until they get jumped by Victor and Abigail :honey_lol: . Mary is the one who brings Atlas out of his "trance" state we initially find him in because of her overwhelming pessimism toward life.

    As a character, Mary is definitely my favorite. Or at least, the most relatable--I think I put most of my own "sane" feelings into her character. "Sane", as in thoughts and feelings I have without thinking about extreme ideals and whatever. Just regular feelings I have when I think of things from a normal perspective. Julian too, but he's much more of a risk taker than Mary (bro walked up to both Atlas and Abigail and made them join his little squad :honey_lol: bro tamed the two strongest characters).

    The other three, Victor, Abigail, and Atlas, received more of my extreme perspectives on things. I think that's obvious.

    Either way, you can definitely get a cool ending by the end of your life, haha. The point of comparing the reader/myself to Mary is that you DON'T know how your life will end, but you should continue forward with courage anyways.

    I'm typing a lot now because now I can talk about the story as a whole without spoiling anything for the reader (unless someone reads these comments first for some reason :bee_sweat: )

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    1
    Mr. Atlas Cover 4
    Mr. Atlas
    Chapter:50


    Apr 27, 2025

    This is probably a set-up chapter. Soren's hypothesis from the previous chapter--that Midas apparently got him in trouble, not because he wanted Soren to get expelled but because of a different reason--is confirmed. And there are about two paragraphs that are dedicated to explaining how Midas had set up the incident.

    The main takeaway from this chapter itself, however, is the fact that Midas is planning on a picnic with the other three protagonists. That is the main point of the chapter, in my opinion.

    However, there are little details that are sprinkled throughout that make this chapter a bit more than that. An example is Midas's mention about the devil in him.

    There is something I do notice here, though. Midas's dialogue is much more mischievous than on his first appearance, though he did seem to always have that side of him (externally).

    And as for the last part of the story (where Midas declares himself not an omniscient mastermind), it doesn't exactly hit very hard just YET... but I do believe that the repetition of the idea that Midas can see the future will probably make more sense in the long run when the big reveal happens (or maybe there won't be a big reveal, I don't know). And also, it's not just repetition--the idea is built upon each time it is mentioned (ex: he "simply followed directions" is a new detail).

    And on an unrelated note (or perhaps it is related), I think you would like "Fight Club" by Chuck Palahniuk.

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    3
    Another Twisted Normality
    Chapter:13





    Apr 26, 2025

    To:Orionless

    And yeaaaaaah, you're probably right. To be fair, Victor and Abigail were the ones who kept the story moving. Otherwise the entire story would have just been slice of life until the world started burning and everyone died I guess LOL

    Julian and Mary's roles were a lot more subtle than the other two. Especially Julian's. But Julian is the one who dragged both Atlas and Abigail off the streets, while Mary is the one who explicitly learns the most throughout the story (because Atlas basically only yapped to her, and she only yapped to him). One of the ideas behind Julian's character is that little acts of kindness could affect the rest of someone's life. He doesn't realize it, but his little act of kindness created a butterfly effect that created this entire story.

    And Mary is supposed to be an everyday person who was just fed up with life :honey_lol: Her living situation was never supposed to actually change for the better; her response to her situation is what was supposed to change. Hence she got most of the philosophical dialogue.

    In general, their lack of ambitions were what ended their stories on a quiet note, while Abigail and Victor's ambitions lead them to their "explosive" respective endings.

    Victor definitely got the happiest ending, and Abigail definitely got the worst ending (though it was heroic). And Mary and Julian got something somewhere in between. That's just how it is.

    Meanwhile Atlas got the chance to talk to god and be like "lol I wouldn't want to be you" I guess. No idea where his ending falls on the spectrum.

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    1
    Mr. Atlas Cover 4
    Mr. Atlas
    Chapter:50