peanutspersonally / Comments

peanutspersonally

My stories trend the future: maybe not right now.

Any versions you see of "Liran's Song" or "Stem of Morrow" not from this site, are unauthorized bot scraps. Honeyfeed is the only official and exclusive source for the stories.
Every other I shall find a nuke to gift them.

registered at: Jul 02, 2025

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aaa

Sep 10, 2026

To:rhedak

it is, because her limits involve stamina drain due to being a conduit for vitality energy. at least, I hope it does. thanks again for the comment and read.

Liran's Song

Chapter:2

Sep 10, 2026

To:rhedak

Thank you for the comment. Music plays a part, yes.

Liran's Song

Chapter:1

Sep 08, 2026

Boomrang wind blades cool magic. I like Roz's tactical analysis during the fight.
Then he does a john wick style justice move. nice.

FROMARE: Frozen Mask Redemption

Chapter:10

Sep 08, 2026

The protagonist's attention to detail is good.

The Hero of the Mist Tragedy

Chapter:1

Sep 08, 2026

I like the in media res mystery. But are there two people or three? Because I get the impression of two physical people, but three POV shifts? I got lost in the character voice transitions. Prolly wouldn't hurt to recheck the flow to ensure the perspective sticks to the protagonist, especially when the only name mentioned is the other person. Otherwise, it's a good opening.

The Hero of the Mist Tragedy

Chapter:0

Sep 08, 2026

To:Soulwriter861

Yep. Aiden doesn't have a nice relative 😄 Aiden and his brother are pretty much an exception to the royal family. Thanks for the read and comment. ❤️

Liran's Song

Chapter:19

Sep 07, 2026

I like the SoL energy in the intro. Ginnie needs to be bonked into horny jail.

Pride-Stained Wings

Chapter:1

Sep 07, 2026

To:Soulwriter861

Thank you for reading so much. Appreciate it.

Liran's Song

Chapter:18

Sep 07, 2026

To:Soulwriter861

Thanks. Yeah, Aiden's been a dogsbody for his brother for so long, it's nice he has his own group.

Liran's Song

Chapter:16

Sep 05, 2026

Your premise is good. I like the character dynamics.

Since you're open for feedback, and I see the story has strong potential, I hope that my bit of knowledge would offer some insight. I guess call this food for thought, as everyone hones their own narrative style.

The first paragraph could be one sentence (Example: Swords clanging echoed through the Mori Family House's small garden). Since the story opens on a live action, introducing the location and mood is enough. Any backstory creates a break in the reading flow for this intention.

As you're introducing characters through combat training, it's your golden opportunity to show us some of the protagonist's personality, and even some of their ambition.

My suggestion is when elder brother say's "Well done, little brother..." Use the little brother's name if he's the protagonist. And have the elder brother's name used by the protagonist, if they're an important character. This gives a hook, so the reader doesn't get lost in the switching voices.

If the opening chapter needs to move, limiting information on a need to know basis works best. A lot of backstory and lore can be revealed later own.

I hope this offers some help in some way.

Keep at it.

The Hero Chosen by Fate

Chapter:1

Sep 05, 2026

Damn, poor dude can't catch a break. It's like ppl he get's close too ends up toast.

FROMARE: Frozen Mask Redemption

Chapter:9

Sep 02, 2026

Can imagine it would be a lot to process for the poor girl.

Defining Engel

Chapter:3

Aug 31, 2026

To:Soulwriter861

Thanks. She can be resourceful at times. 😆

Liran's Song

Chapter:15

Aug 31, 2026

To:Soulwriter861

Thank you.❤️

Liran's Song

Chapter:67

Aug 30, 2026

Added additional details for the shamisen, to confirm it's appearance to this world.

Liran's Song

Chapter:16