Sep 05, 2026
Your premise is good. I like the character dynamics.
Since you're open for feedback, and I see the story has strong potential, I hope that my bit of knowledge would offer some insight. I guess call this food for thought, as everyone hones their own narrative style.
The first paragraph could be one sentence (Example: Swords clanging echoed through the Mori Family House's small garden). Since the story opens on a live action, introducing the location and mood is enough. Any backstory creates a break in the reading flow for this intention.
As you're introducing characters through combat training, it's your golden opportunity to show us some of the protagonist's personality, and even some of their ambition.
My suggestion is when elder brother say's "Well done, little brother..." Use the little brother's name if he's the protagonist. And have the elder brother's name used by the protagonist, if they're an important character. This gives a hook, so the reader doesn't get lost in the switching voices.
If the opening chapter needs to move, limiting information on a need to know basis works best. A lot of backstory and lore can be revealed later own.
I hope this offers some help in some way.
Keep at it.