peanutspersonally

peanutspersonally

I'm only here to support some friends. But, farq it, I'll write some junk while I'm at it.

registered at: Jul 02, 2025
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    I can only Sew Fancy Dresses, but I'm forced to become a Queen in Another World!
    Chapter:11

    I can only Sew Fancy Dresses, but I'm forced to become a Queen in Another World!
    Chapter:9




    Sep 09, 2025

    I hope this helps. You have a cool story, so giving a bit more attention to presentation can help the story skyrocket with interest.

    The first three paragraph blocks need to be broken out: they're a challenge to read right now.

    For paperback format, the way this story is written would be fine. But for online/web-novel format, the novel needs to flow more smoothly down the screen.

    Remember, you're competing with ad-space, other novel thumbnails and general site distractions. The attention span of an online reader is far less than one who is holding a paperback open before them. Basically, the 3 second rule of attention span is less for web-novels.

    So, generally, the online chapter format, at the simple level, is having one paragraph line-break for dialog of one person, and per one for exposition/event/action. This helps the reader's eyes flow down the page without immersion being impacted.

    Example for one of your earlier paragraph blocks:

    Each morning.... (one action/event)
    (paragraph line break)

    After breakfast.... (different action/event)
    (paragraph line break)

    Her horse... (exposition introducing character. Best to break it out to give the character focus)
    (paragraph break)

    Also, some of the exposition might be too heavy to digest for some readers. Exposition is good, but in focused and small doses.

    "Despite the human sacrifices of dozens of lawbreakers..." this exposition could be woven throughout the narrative via people/character reactions and responses as soon as they see the wolves inbound.

    For light novels, you only need to focus on what is critical for the moment. You'd be surprised how much exposition can be sacrificed and drip-fed through the story as needed.

    Again, hope this helps. Keep writing, you're onto a good story.

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    The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse
    Chapter:1