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FireFly2789

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registered at: Jul 02, 2025

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aaa

Sep 18, 2025

To:FireFly2789

Oh, they're gone.

The Mark of Cain

Chapter:0

Sep 18, 2025

To:flossie_the_artist

I'll be honest, this sounds like a scam.

The Mark of Cain

Chapter:0

Sep 16, 2025

1.) Love the detail that God is in all caps, since that seems to be his thing.

2.) Practically, having Hiroshi work at the front with customers shouldn't work. Earlier, you established that people find the emptiness in his eyes unnerving. The child may have even thought it scary.
To get around this, maybe Hiroshi avoids their eyes? Maybe he's really good at mimicking the air of his new coworker, even if his smile is still mechanical.

The Emotionless

Chapter:3

Sep 16, 2025

1.) Justice for Hiroshi. Yeah, he was a hardened loaner, but he fully stuck to his deal. heck, he gave the guy an extra month. . . and the guy knew what he was signing.
Was it underhanded to charge so much? Yes. Did he deserve to lose all emotion for it? God, no (haha, get it?).

2.) I sort of feel like this could be split into two chapters. The first one ends with him dying in his office, which will keep readers into it. The second chapter would end at the end (you don't need "The Last Divine Message" as a header, in my opinion).

3.) The biggest issue I had was finishing the chapter simply due to length. I was invested enough to not get too distracted, but that may not be the case with other people.

The Emotionless

Chapter:1

Sep 14, 2025

Part of me is expecting the assassin to betray them.

Re:Admin

Chapter:2

Sep 14, 2025

Dude, if I had infinite storage, I'd just make it my food supply. That way, I wouldn't have to move an inch to eat it.

Re:Admin

Chapter:1

Sep 13, 2025

If those friends are spending their time judging someone who fell on hard times, her parents need better ones.

Failure Will Make My Pen Sharp as a Blade: My Writer's Life in Another World

Chapter:0

Sep 11, 2025

Can I ask why you don't have a cover art? I feel like it would help your story get more attention.

Pizza Boxes and Portals

Chapter:3

Sep 11, 2025

Few things to say:

First, Rest in Pepperonis to the plant. He's screwed, let's be honest.
Second, I love the idea of a crystallized flower. It sparks a few ideas for my own story.

Third: Mia, honey. Every superstitious person knows that asking "What else could possible go wrong?" or something similar is basically GUARANTEED to screw up your day. You brought this on yourself, honestly.

Pizza Boxes and Portals

Chapter:1

Sep 11, 2025

I love the idea you've got going.

A few notes:
1. For better readability, try putting an extra line between paragraphs.

2. Try to aim for 3-4 sentences per paragraphs (though there may be exceptions). You started a lot of new lines after only one sentence while the idea of the paragraph was still going.
If you're having trouble with when a paragraph starts and ends, maybe YouTube can help?

3. Put a space at the end of every sentence.
Example:
[Correct]
"I am a photographer. I capture memories."
[Incorrect]
"I am a photographer.I capture memories."

Don't give up! You've got this!

Lens fate in another world

Chapter:1

Sep 11, 2025

Is the cat okay? Please tell me someone (her parents, etc.) help the cat 'cause, if not, I will never forgive Seeker Len.
Ever.

In the Service of Gods

Chapter:3

Sep 11, 2025

Five seconds in and she's already traumatized. Off to a great start!

In the Service of Gods

Chapter:2

Sep 11, 2025

To:savvynewts

Thanks!

Ribbons Apart

Chapter:1

Sep 10, 2025

Boy, saying it slower for her won't help, lol.

In the Service of Gods

Chapter:1

Sep 10, 2025

When Joji grows up, he's probably not going to believe his dad.
"I swear, we used to live in another world from here!"
Joji: "I live in another world. It's called reality dad. Try it sometime."

(Just a random thought I had.)

Where the Goddess Hides

Chapter:1

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