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Terrycat

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registered at: Sep 08, 2025

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aaa

Dec 25, 2025

Ah nothing like a man and his living toy kitsune joining the military

Also, spotted a typo in the first big paragraph. "The metals hanging" where it should be (I'm assuming) medals as in the Purple Heart and the Medal of Honor

Toy Master

Chapter:4

Dec 25, 2025

Dang the whole school seems to have it out for Seishin

Dungeon Track and Field

Chapter:5

Dec 25, 2025

Wooo! Even if you don't do this for yourself, Seishin, do it for the girl you like!

Dungeon Track and Field

Chapter:4

Dec 25, 2025

Seishin, are you sure you got your directions straightened out?

Dungeon Track and Field

Chapter:3

Dec 23, 2025

First

And very curious. Only the most hopeless students get chosen for this... whatever this is? Takeru better hope this doesn't end up making his already sucky life even worse

ASHES WALK

Chapter:1

Dec 23, 2025

What on earth is an excursor?

Intercity Excursions

Chapter:1

Dec 23, 2025

To: Epti

Oh, I'm sure she would have *loved* to transform right then and there and teach him a lesson, but gotta maintain that facade of normalcy.

Magical Intern Ayame

Chapter:13

Dec 23, 2025

To: Epti

It was, unfortunately, in the heat of the moment. Sometimes a magical girl just gets caught up in trying to be the big hero

Magical Intern Ayame

Chapter:11

Dec 23, 2025

To: Epti

Oh she's definitely got brains, but sometimes I wonder if I wrote her a little too smart

Magical Intern Ayame

Chapter:9

Dec 23, 2025

To: Epti

I never would have expected it to work as well as it did, but here we are

Magical Intern Ayame

Chapter:7

Dec 23, 2025

To: Epti

Epti! Welcome to the Magical Girl Express lol 🚆

Magical Intern Ayame

Chapter:1

Dec 22, 2025

*nom nom*

Getting some interesting vibes here. A demon working with a priest for the CIA? If this were intended to be a comedy, you could really play into that mismatch. But it's not a comedy. If I could hazard a guess as to what your friend meant by the weird tone shifts, it could be that the banter between characters could be throwing them off. I don't really have an issue with the workplace banter, as it's fairly normal, but it might not be for everyone. I haven't really got any advice on how to make it more accurate to specifically the year 1995 other than to point out the use of technology that's considered largely obsolete by today's standards such as payphones and landlines, at least not without reading your other chapters.

Overall though, it's a pretty good start. You get your characters introduced without wasting time getting them where they're supposed to be.

Sage and Rosary

Chapter:1

Dec 21, 2025

To:Gurg

That would have very horrifying implications for later on in the book

Magical Intern Ayame

Chapter:6

Dec 21, 2025

To:Gurg

Aichi will continue to be caught lacking until morale increases Ayame will eventually catch on and grill him for it.

Just not right now

Magical Intern Ayame

Chapter:5

Dec 21, 2025

To:Gurg

Possibly. The telltale sign is if you suddenly encounter a talking stuffed animal giving you weird cryptic messages.

Magical Intern Ayame

Chapter:4

Terrycat

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