Jan 19, 2026
Peek-a-boo!
Okay, so my immediate first thoughts. Wow, that was a long, dialogue-heavy chapter. I do wish I knew who these people were, though. If they weren't the only two people speaking in this chapter, it would be outright impossible to figure out who's who. I like the kind of banter these two throw at each other. Reminds me a bit of my own work, just lengthier. It would be very helpful to indicate who's speaking though, just to avoid reader confusion.
Is the "I" in this chapter you, the author? Or is this story being narrated by some other first-person viewpoint. Generally, first-person narratives introduce the audience to who the narrator is as soon as possible. That will help the audience establish whether the narrator is reliable or not.
Other than that, I don't really have much to say about this opening chapter other than the basic "do another read-through to make sure all your spelling and punctuation are in order." Overall, I can see this story potentially going somewhere interesting.
