Aug 14, 2020
Heyo,
I just wanted to say that I absolutely loved this eerie prologue you've written! The dehumanised figure of Salem, her goal, her thought process and her entire character was all pristinely crafted and I have no takeaways or qualms to incur there.
It was a beautiful read, with descriptions sweeping upon one another, a soft, gallant pace that built to the conclusion of the prologue naturally and organically and that left me wanting a lot more to read, because I was genuinely interested in what this machine (which I will guess is the main character if this were to be a perfect prologue) will turn out to be.
The form of the writing was amazing, inner monologue perfectly mingled with narration, events being attributed with meaning and feelings put behind them, all beautiful. There are certain flaws here and there, grammatical ones, mind you (spelling errors, words being omitted and certain phrases being a little nonsensical but nothing a reread won't do)
One thing I'd like to point out is that, at times, the writing takes a turn for the purple. It becomes too laden with pompous words and phrases that it actually detracts from the quality of the writing. An example to bring int o question is the multiple monikers you've used for Salem in the beginning (white girl, corpse, ghost, etc.). At the time of her name reveal I was lead to believe there were two different characters that have merged together, so I'd advise you tone it down a little as it may prove not confusing, but hard to digest for some.
Still, this was a masterfully crafted piece that I wholeheartedly enjoy and I can't wait for the next installment!
Yours truly,
Bubbles <3
