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rhedak

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Just a hobby writter and game dev

registered at: Jul 28, 2026

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Sep 26, 2026

To:Nyatoh

I thought about this a little. By having Aoda and Brochwel go on a date and both acknowledging some sort of feelings for each other you made a promise to the reader that this would be paid off somehow. Right now the last interactions between Aoda and Brochwel don't address this.

A possible way would be to add a half sentence at the very end where Brochwel thinks he might eventually start something with Aoda (a family? Can they have kids?) or there being a look between the two that makes it explicit they still expect this to work out.

Just my two cents, you don't have to Change anything. I still enjoyed this story very much.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:42

Sep 26, 2026

To:Nyatoh

It's fine, it works as it is to support the story. Not everything has to be realistic, this is fantasy after all.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:41

Sep 26, 2026

To:Kyotosomo

Yeah I got that it was directed at her, just thought it was a chance to have Nora and Lucas misunderstand it (you don't have to Change anything, it's fine as is)

The Little Witch Who Loves Slimes Just A Little Too Much

Chapter:46

Sep 26, 2026

To:Nyatoh

Thanks for that interesting tidbit. Didn't actually know it!

The Hero of the Mist Tragedy

Chapter:22

Sep 26, 2026

Congratulations on finishing. Brochwel being knighted and finding a new home is the right note to end on. Though it does feel a little bit like cheating that Brochwel doesn't end up having to choose between Aoda and Tecca.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:42

Sep 26, 2026

Interesting battle... But why did Haute and Olivia opt for a personal battle in parallel rather than commanding behind the lines?
It seems atypical of a general but they both seem to be the brutally honest type.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:41

Sep 26, 2026

I loved the little details in this chapter. How Aoda is strong enough to carry Brochwel for a long flight.
How different her eyes are from a humans / Brochwels.
And her showing off her flying skills haha.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:40

Sep 26, 2026

To:Nyatoh

Not sure what Cassandra is referring to here but yes. Thank you for reading.

The Hero of the Mist Tragedy

Chapter:22

Sep 26, 2026

Congratulations on finishing and good luck with trimming / compressing down below 80k.

I enjoyed this little epilogue but shouldn't Arthur's "I love a girl who can kick my ass" make Nora blush and Lucas jealous since it does read like a reference to her defeating him in the tournament haha

The Little Witch Who Loves Slimes Just A Little Too Much

Chapter:46

Sep 26, 2026

To:rhedak

In his speech Arthur says that he is still not quite convinced but his actions and the warm smile without any hesitation behind it is what I think doesn't fit 100%...bur again nitpicking and just one guy's opinion.

The Little Witch Who Loves Slimes Just A Little Too Much

Chapter:45

Sep 26, 2026

It is a fitting wrap up chapter and I did enjoy how you teased the reader with the Monster Queen drop.

The one thing I can't help but trip over is seeing an echo of the village boys in Arthur. I suppose it is necessary for him to accept Nora has has a point after being defeated fair and square... But it is still a bit clean. Having him admit he might have been wrong... And looking at Nora with respect but still a hint of a grudge and still being somewhat unable to let go of his old ways might be more realistic.
But that is nitpicking. So don't feel the need to change anything.

The Little Witch Who Loves Slimes Just A Little Too Much

Chapter:45

Sep 26, 2026

Okay this was a truly epic battle, the moment Nora reveals the ancient summoner magic reminds me a bit of the moment Caladin swears an ideal in the Stormlight Archive (I mean this as a compliment). It was a good call that that doesn't mean she can just overpower him though, she still has to fight and be smart and use an epic final move.

My favorite moment was when she threw sand in his eyes.

Good job.

The Little Witch Who Loves Slimes Just A Little Too Much

Chapter:44

Sep 26, 2026

Wait a second... Nora says to Lucas Quarterfinals but after reading the enxt few chapters wasn't this the Semifinals?

The Little Witch Who Loves Slimes Just A Little Too Much

Chapter:42

Sep 26, 2026

Congratulations on finishing this epic story. I can tell you had fun writing this epilogue.
Not sure what to comment on... The scene with the cameras was fun but my favorite was the baby playing with the portals and Harold still being punished a little bit.
A beautiful ending. And well earned.

Witch’s First Espionage Mission in 200 Years

Chapter:71

Sep 26, 2026

To:Kyotosomo

I wouldn't cut this one, despite the excellent choreography of the battle it is necessary buildup and characterisation of Arthur as an enemy for the final battle.

The Damian fight was brutal but so far it would be the one I would miss least. And well the Finn fight. Both are sub-characters and they would make excellent additions / bonus chapters for later but they could be compressed in one tell paragraph about how brutal Nora's 2 battles between Jane and Lucas were without missing much from the narrative perspective. The nutcracker chapter referring to something that happened off-page would also be a nice way of using dramatic irony and teasing the reader a little.

And well some of the lessons might also work for compressing. Jane's older sister serves to develop Jane but since she is not that important as a character it might also do if it is just worked into the conversation between Nora and Jane. The physical training class with Petra's father was also fun but again something I'd consider compressing if needed. That should be enough I hope.

The Little Witch Who Loves Slimes Just A Little Too Much

Chapter:43

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