Dec 25, 2021
I see; compared with your contest novel I can see the experimenting of different styles and structures taking place-
-Not like I can also relate ahahahahaha-
It was nicer, in a metaphorical sense, when I read sentences like sounds of agony and cries of pain, sparks of life etc so it's a good improvement ^w^
Nonetheless, while fine to read on desktop, some of the paragraphs are *fet* when I explored this on mobile. Again I am more of the simple person with a preference of short instead of bulky paragraphs, so in other places like where he read the letter, that sentence can be on its own and then add spacing before adding the contents of the letter, maybe you can even divide it!
So something like...
It was a simple letter, a happy tone.
"Hey Daniel...etc.....prodigal's son."
The words burned themselves into the man's eyes.
"That's something your father....etc....from your parents."
And if you want to add some effects, I usually italicize the contents of a description such as letters, movie summaries, etc. IMO it gives off that "recollecting/reading in my head" kind of vibe, but again, this is just me and my suggestions and everyone's different lol
Nice read! ^w^ Keep it up!!
