Jul 17, 2017
To:chesarka
Ohoho, you numbered your comments on this this time, I like that! I'll answer the same way then!
1) Well, I suppose it's natural that there would be some typos (there just has to be at least one every time lol). That's why I always re-read it to check for mistakes like that after posting and correct whatever catches my eye + I don't have a stable internet connection atm, so counting on a 6 year old phone that can barely do a single search with data to help me make sure that something is correct is kind of difficult... I'm going to re-read right now since I didn't have time after posting it, so most of these will be corrected shortly!
As for why it felt raw, Ι believe it's probably because of how many changes the draft went through... At first, it was probably 18-19 pages long (twice my average chapter size), so I had to cut it down by having some events happen in later chapters...
2) No worries about that, I perfectly get you! I have an obsession with having correct grammar, punctuation AND vocabulary in literally everything as well (be it a formal essay or just a note to myself, LITERALLY everything), and I got myself a reputation for that among my friends xD
Still, using commas when someone ends their sentence seems kind of...off to me, I should say? I've seen that in novels I've read and it actually feels somehow wrong to do it that way. I'm no expert at literature and its rules (I could never pay attention to these lol), but for me, it's just the way it comes out, if I can describe it that way!
3) It does feel a bit weak and rushed around there now that I re-read that part, but as I mentioned, all these changes automatically meant that it was bound to have something like this if you ask me...
4) Yup, from Beyond the Horizon, along with Yuu!
5) I think I caught your drift on this one! (The reference was from the Monogatari series btw)
I definitely can't say you're wrong on the readers becoming confused with some references, but sometimes it actually is a point of a series that I personally don't mind calling charming! (No Game No Life and Gintama reference other anime, Hyouka references Sherlock and Agatha Christie's works, but there are non-Japanese ones that do too, like The Big Bang Theory, Supernatural, etc etc...)
The character on your profile pic is Chuuya from Bungou Stray Dogs, right? It would actually make it a bit easier to explain if you've watched the anime/read the manga. Dazai's ability (''No Longer Human''), for instance, is a reference to the name of his RL counterpart's probably most known book. While watching Bungou and Dazai's ability in action, even if I didn't get the reference at all, it didn't cross my mind that it would annoy me, but I genuinely enjoyed it for what it was, and I'm actually hoping for that in this novel as well!
I realised the way I put that reference in there could put someone off, so I'll try to minimize their usage and mention the source for less popular ones like that one you mentioned!
As always, thanks for all the detailed feedback! You've given me (and not just me, you always leave suggestions on almost every novel I see, you deserve some credit for that at the very least!) so much of it that I'm running out of ways to thank you actually... I dunno why, but everytime I see a comment from you, I'm like ''OH BOY, TIME FOR ANOTHER LONG REPLY!'', but maybe it's just because I enjoy overextending things xD
