Dec 24, 2017
Aah, it's been quite a while since I last read/seen a story like this. Music, romance, too much guy talk... White Album 2 memories intensify xDD
The premise is pretty good, and the way the events are turning out is interesting too!
I've taken quite the liking to the characters themselves: Yoichi is resorting to music because of his (I assume) monotonous life, Danzo and Koutarou are the hilarious sidekicks that comment on his every move, Akari is mysteriously intriguing AND a musical genius, but most importantly, Sacchi...can we pretty please treasure this precious girl? xD
As much as I did love all these aspects of the story, I reckon that it still needs a few amendments to portray its true charm. The descriptions feel weak and give out minimal imagery, making them seem rushed. It's obvious that you have a very clear image of what you want to portray in mind, so I'm sure you do have the potential to turn this into something jaw-dropping! You could, for instance, spend a couple lines on the appearance of a character to help create an overall image of him/her for the viewer, or maybe some more lines to describe the landscape or the music room, to be more specific. That way, the story won't feel rushed, the imagery will be more vivid and easier for the reader to imagine, and subsequently they will become more immersed into it!
Other than that, I haven't noticed any other issue apart from small syntactic ones (i.e. a lack of commas in a couple parts), but that barely affected the reading experience!
All in all, while there are some issues I believe should be fixed, the story is incredible so far! I really hope to see another chapter soon, so good luck working on it, and happy holidays as well!!
