Aug 04, 2017
This feels like it'll get weird as the story progresses, which might be a good thing, I'm not sure yet so i'll keep it in my library. Not to be rude, but you need to work on your sentence structure. many of your ideas can be reworked into a single sentence. Also ,"I knew what thing about it", is kinda weird, I don't know whether thats accidental or you intended it to read that way.
Example: "Swathes of humans passed one another like ants scurrying. The time was eight- hundred, and everyone would be headed to their place of work." It's jarring to read both of these instead of making them one single idea, it makes things tedious for the reader when your words, for a lack of a better "word", dosen't flow, or become organic when being read.
