Jan 19, 2022
A few things I wanted to mention before I continue.
You have a lot of grammer issues. Missing punctuation, missing 'ed' and 'ing's. And a strange flow. It became hard to follow at times and I had to re-read a few paragraphs and think others over.
Normally I don't mind too much, but it became difficult to read.
Another thing is your dialogue. It felt very... Unnatural. The people talking didn't feel like humans.
Just some things I wanted to mention. I'm actually cery excited to see where this goes.
