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EliteWarrior910

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registered at: Jul 14, 2021

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Mar 14, 2022

To:unknownking

Criticism is what I do! Well... It's what I try to do. It always makes me beyond happy whenever someone points out the flaws in my work, so if I ever come off as overly rude or something similar, I apologize. I'm not well known for my subtlety or tact.
But I only criticize people I think have potential and I would love to see their writing become perfected. Also, keep in mind that I'm a total novice. I only really started reading August last year, I think? Bah, enough of that.

Holy stromboli, 120 chapters? And here I thought my 30-something chapters was a lot. Well, at least you'll give me a lot to read.

Lost souls: Road to Godhood

Chapter:1

Mar 14, 2022

Ugh. Video game stats? Really? Honestly I think video game stats are the weakest and worst world building tool, but since you framed it as a convient guide for the gods, I'll accept it. For now.

Other than that, this chapter is fine. I think Athena just chilling in her room while World God does everything is a bit... Insincere of her? I mean, if Kondo is important to her as she says, I feel like she would rush out there with World God.

WHEN I GOT REINCARNATED AS A SPIDER WITH MY GODDESS

Chapter:9

Mar 14, 2022

The summary of what happened so far and the exposistion block felt strange in a way I can't explain. It kinda just felt like an intrusion on the story. It might feel a little less weird if you save that information for when we're not getting captured by bandits.

Oh and last chapter, you kept spelling trees like three. Anyway. I'm looking forward to what happens next.

Lost souls: Road to Godhood

Chapter:4

Mar 14, 2022

I have some questions if you don't mind.

Why is this teleportation spell forbidden? And why does Luz know it?

Is it because it uses life force, or is that just what Luz had to do to cast it because of low mana or something.
And if it's forbidden, why does Luz know the spell? Shouldn't it have been burned or just kept secret?

If these are answered in future, no need to answer them here.

Lost souls: Road to Godhood

Chapter:2

Mar 14, 2022

Hmm... Interesting. I wanted to mention a few things before I continue.
You've got a nice way of painting pictures. Your verb choice when decribing the dragon's roar and village burning were very grand and fairly powerful. Although at one point, I had thought that an actual rupture opened in the ground and creatures from hell were crawling out.
It might be good to dial the grand imagery down a bit when describing random creatures. I thought the animals running from the burning forests were actual hell-spawn rising from the ground until like three paragraphs later.

Also, describing Az and Michael as 'looked as if they were 12' was a bit strange. Why not just say they're 12 years old?
Oh and any 12-year-old knows what's happening to the village. There's no way Az would ask 'Why are you crying? What happened?'
I'm pretty sure any age could figure out what was going on. I think it would have been better to have someone hysterically try to convicne the others to go back and get their parents out of the village. Just a thought.

Anyway! I'm eager to keep reading! I'm curious to see where this whole thing goes.

Lost souls: Road to Godhood

Chapter:1

Mar 12, 2022

To:Gulfstream

Thanks man! I'm fairly proud of this chapter so it's cool to see everyone liking it!

I like to imagine all the big rangers sit on one side while Naz awakwardly sits in the corner on the otherside beside the princess and her servant.
Oh and it's just the Eclipse Rangers. The King's rangers are in different carriage. Although the thought of like twenty or so people in a single cabin is kinda funny.

The Wolf Among Rats (Old)

Chapter:9

Mar 12, 2022

Heya, 'tis I. The author.
This chapter was a bit short and uneventful, but there is no need to worry! The next chapter should be even shorter and I should have it released by tomorrow. Hopefully.
After that however, I may divert attention away from this book for a bit to work on the monthly challenge. It'll be set in the same world as this one, but otherwise it'll be completely unrelated.
This is all a maybe though.

Anyway. Thanks again for reading. Now let's hope I can actually write a chapter in a day!

The Wolf Among Rats (Old)

Chapter:11

Mar 03, 2022

I'll be honest, that little blunder in the discord gave me a good laugh.

But in all seriousness, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I think a lot of people understand it was an honest mistake.
And I'll still be here reading at my fastest pace.

WHEN I GOT REINCARNATED AS A SPIDER WITH MY GODDESS

Chapter:1

Mar 02, 2022

To:Hans Trondheim

Don't we all? Imagine a world run by Peter the Greats. 'Twould certainly be better then the US's current leader... Although that's not saying much.
Politics aside, I was referencing an animated show I think just called Clone High. I never saw it, but the premise is a bunch of historical figures going through high school.

Also, I see what you mean now. About the reactions. I remember things like that happening while I was in school. Mostly to me, but that's neither here nor there.