Fuzzy Rabid Usagi / Comments

Fuzzy Rabid Usagi

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registered at: Jul 14, 2021

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aaa

Jul 31, 2021

To:Bubbles

Thank you for your feedback. Taking what you've said into consideration, I will note that this is the only part of my story that jumps from perspective to perspective. I'm considering adjusting the perspective so that it only follows Marea in the first half of the prologue, then shifts to Blake's perspective in the second half, separated with a line break. This should allow me space to apply some of the other changes that you and others have mentioned, thank you for taking a look!

The Heir of the Dragon

Chapter:0

Jul 30, 2021

To:otkrlj

It definitely helps a lot, thanks! There are a few spaces I can definitely see that helping. I will attempt to take your advice, in moderation! *Proceeds to overcorrect by pressing Enter key after every sentence*

The Heir of the Dragon

Chapter:0

Jul 30, 2021

To:otkrlj

Thanks for your comment! I already know that length is an issue, but, well... I find most all of it to be essential so I'm not sure what I should cut. I'm quickly learning that detail is not the way to go for webnovels apparently.

Thank you for your insights, I'll consider what you said about reducing info-dumps, but, well... it's vital info so I don't know what to do.😅

The Heir of the Dragon

Chapter:0

Jul 30, 2021

To:kazesenken

Interesting. So you think that I should include less sensory detail?

The Heir of the Dragon

Chapter:0

Jul 24, 2021

As the story goes on it becomes very different from Harry Potter so I don't think it's that significant of a problem. And since Harry Potter is a very defining example of the "magic school" genre it's somewhat expected for there to be similarities. What do you think I should change?

The Heir of the Dragon

Chapter:3

Jul 24, 2021

To:Hollow

I'm glad you liked it! I will check out yours.

The Heir of the Dragon

Chapter:11

Jul 24, 2021

To:Jakeline

Thank you! I was kind of wary myself, starting a prologue this far back from the main story.

The Heir of the Dragon

Chapter:0

Jul 22, 2021

To:Gurg

Oh so he's not doing cocaine

Zero.

Chapter:3

Jul 22, 2021

To:Gurg

But I don't know what line is supposed to mean!!! I'm confuzzled!

Zero.

Chapter:3

Jul 22, 2021

Enteng and Enang is gonna get real confusing lol. At first I thought it was a typo.
Before I thought Enteng was just crazy, now I think he's just a psychic projection of George.

Zero.

Chapter:5

Jul 22, 2021

Wait, so this world has instant chicken noodles? I'm realizing there isn't much I understand about the setting, lol.
And Enteng is clearly nuts, but what do you expect?
The tone of this is, uh... interesting though.

Zero.

Chapter:4

Jul 22, 2021

I'm not sure what the some parts were supposed to mean. Line. But George has appeared! Line.
On another note, you seem to jump between past and present tense a lot, might want to fix that.
...
Line.

Zero.

Chapter:3

Jul 22, 2021

Still not entirely sure what's happening but there is good imagery. The MC is slowly becoming clearer in my head but the voice feels a little stilted.

Zero.

Chapter:2

Jul 22, 2021

Finally checked it out, wasn't disappointed so far! It painted a very distinctive picture with good sensory details. I could feel the emotion coming off of the POV character, although at certain points I felt kind of jerked around, like the pacing felt weird. I will move on to the next chapters

Zero.

Chapter:1

Jul 21, 2021

I really liked the premise! The idea of an isekai where the character reincarnates as someone who was already an established person with relationships and apparently a lover/lover-to-be seems like it opens the door to a lot of character introspection and growth, I really want to see where it goes from here!

The Consequence of Saving the World

Chapter:1

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