Orionless

Orionless

registered at: Jul 15, 2021
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    Published Novel Level 1
    Published Chapter Level 3
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    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2021


    Mar 06, 2025

    Tampering with the hadron collider is crazy 😭 this guy was up to no good
    This chapter really shows the difference in mentality between victor and Abigail. It’s made extremely clear how stark the gap is in their motivations and views. I liked the discourse between them. Abigail knows that victor is up to some funny business but still trusts him because they’re best friends and whatnot. After reading, I get the impression that Victor is almost against his own plans of becoming a transcendent being. But Thats likely because I haven’t seen the other part of him yet—the one who actively pursues transcendence. I’m not sure what he was like before, but he still seems incredibly human. For him to do eventually do a 180 and adopt the demeanor of a being superior to humans, that’d be a bit.. disingenuous? But maybe that’s the point. I just don’t see his ideology reflected in his demeanor as of right now. Not sure if that’s done purposefully or not. He could have some really interesting character progression, if so. I’m looking forward to that.
    Actually, that’s a pretty cool way to go about his character. He is aware of his impending rise to superiority and sees it as something that must be done. An absolute. So it makes sense that he thinks “it’s sad that this will happen in the future” while speaking to Abigail.
    Another thing. The line breaks in the dialogue, especially around the point where Victor monologues about his plans, are a bit awkward. The small descriptions where his name is repeated a few times are mostly to blame for this I think. They seem unnecessary and it feels weird reading his name so many times in a row.
    I still think the contrast between these two characters and being able to see ideas and thoughts bounced back and forth between them is quite interesting. You could really explore that. I’m sure you will.
    Excited to see where the story goes from here man. Things are looking pretty nice so far.

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    1
    Mr. Atlas Cover 4
    Mr. Atlas
    Chapter:9





    Mar 04, 2025

    To:Han Quixote

    dude... thank you so, so much. this is like the best feedback ever
    first off comparing this to steins gate is CRAZY BRO WHAT HAHA
    so here's a little context on the creation of this story:
    it was sort of created on a whim. in my past works (which are currently not presentable whatsoever and are also unfinished), i saw a common problem, and it was that they were too quickly paced. it got me thinking, and soon i realized that no actual novel was really like that.
    so i wanted to pace this story in a way that gives the reader the feeling that they're reading an actual novel.
    clearly i havent been conscientious enough (first chapters were literally eight months ago 😒), but my goal was to make a slow-burner that the reader would really learn to cherish in the end.
    you're right about the chapter sequencing. chapter 2 probably would've started here.
    if it was a novel.
    i've barely scratched the surface of this story, and yet your words do really make sense. i have to take into consideration the fact that there are 4 chapters of, in a sense, mindless wandering. there's probably no point in formatting it in the manner that i do if it just ends up becoming bland. putting those crumbs that incite interest within the reader is definitely the best way to fix this, and thanks to you, ill probably do that.
    but idk man. ive always had that fear of "is the reader still here?" and in this story, i wanted to sort of let go of that. but even i can see where you're coming from. maybe its time for the grueling rewriting process ...

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    1
    A Coward’s Comedy
    Chapter:5