Jul 29, 2021
Found you wanting feedback from the discord.
In terms of grammar/writing, seems there are lots of inconsistencies in spaces (especially when starting a new sentence). Try to fix those up. Also some typos (like upn). You may benefit from splitting existing larger paragraphs into smaller ones, but it doesn't necessarily need to be done (just will make it easier to read).
Like the inner monologue, the emotion is properly conveyed to the reader (especially the parts with the Mc's frustrations). Also liked the mystery setup, does leave me wanting to read the next chapter, so good job with that.
Overall, I would need more material to give a proper review, but everything is on the right track. I'll read again when there more chapters.
(Also when you have time, feel free to take a look at my work!)