Jul 28, 2021
I enjoyed this chapter and your work, will continue reading. Don't take the feedback as contrary evidence. I just wanted to put this out there.
Some dialogue tags are very unnecessary/outright jarring. For instance,
"E-excuse me? Just what are you?" she asked, loads of questions on her mind.
"I'm a jellyfish with a hot number!" Snazzy turned upwards while spewing fire like a fountain and can-can dancing with his tentacles. Slowly, he spun around to give it a more dramatic effect.
"Can you stop that for just one moment!?" Maribell yelled, her nerves already frayed.
"Oh, okay..."
VS
"E-excuse me? Just what are you?"
"I'm a jellyfish with a hot number!"
Turning upwards, Snazzy started spewing fire like a drink fountain. A very dramatic jellyfish, apparently so.
"Can you stop that for just one moment!?"
"Oh, okay..."
This is one example, and cutting some of the exposition bits might increase reader retention, especially if your initial premise doesn't quick stick with them. Don't take this as cut everything unless you're going for a very specific feel, this is just an example of not needing to place dialogue tags.
