Sep 02, 2021
Ok you are getting on track with new chapters coming I say. But I was expecting some details in 1st chapter. I have some points to extend it.
1. Give a description about where is Horiko's house, I mean is it a slum or any apartment or (you are the author it's ur choice)
2. Location of School.
3. More details about the family of the 3 girls. Like their fathers is doing what kind of business (builder, Oil agent etc.)
3. Details about town like crime happens every now and then in the city. I mean it's good how you have done but still just let the readers get a feel.
And by your writing I am guessing that you are not much fond of reading (terribly sorry if I am wrong). Start by reading manga and start with funny ones (Rent a girlfriend, Kaguya sama love is war etc.) not the intense (Death note, Aot etc.). I was same as you (or worse😅) I have improved 65 percent from reading books and 35 percent by reading manga. At the end of the day manga is not much effecient but good to start with it.
And one more thing that is prominent here is, you are missing background details very much, I have a fellow person who can help you with it. Search Phenoix keeper (author- Old tail Fox) and ask him to review your novel, he will help for sure. And try to proofread your chapters, you will get a clarity.
All the best.