Momentie / Comments

Momentie

25 Following

45 Followers

Hi there,
This is the former home of some of my novels, you can find them these days over on RoyalRoad!

registered at: Oct 14, 2021

Roles

Author

Badge

bronze

What is Badge?

Achievements

What is an Achievement?

Report this user

Comments

aaa

Sep 17, 2023

Wait so, paradise is an actual society? With rules and ecconomy and...taxes! And newspapers!
See now the world intrests me wildly more😄💕

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:33

Sep 17, 2023

So the NPCs of dominion? All on a level comparible with the boss or just a little above skyrim? 📝📝

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:32

Sep 17, 2023

That was an interesting chapter - The skull mecha is kinda kwl, shame dacha wasted it here😆😅 - You also hardcut to the chiller stuff - It makes sense but feels a bit whiplashy.

Also, ever since I noticed, I can't unnotice - You actually do you wholesome in every single chapter, its ummm, facinating lol, you used it 3 times in this releatively short chapter lol - I wish I could 'un-notice' it😅😅

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:30

Sep 14, 2023

Sanae enjoys fighting when doing so by her own free will - Good to know📝

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:28

Sep 14, 2023

8 month road trip huh? Sanae really is dedicated to this dude she met yesterday😆

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:27

Sep 13, 2023

Ummm, I've noticed you use the word 'Wholesome' alot, like atleast once per chapter - Twice in this one, etc.

I found that strange as its not really a very common word so using it so often stands out in an odd way.

Just an observation I noted📝😶👀

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:26

Sep 13, 2023

I gotta ask, what is it all the girls see in him? I mean he's antisocial, spends all his time on conspiracy thoeries and his only other hobby we know is model boat building.

Is he also the captain of the soccer team or something? Cuase if not the girls of this school need to simp less😅

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:25

Sep 11, 2023

To:F.C Fondness

Ok, 1 why would a cleric not be carrying bandages or something similar to tie around her arm -- But thats by the by -- The chapter says, all that matters is shes see it move aroujd her neck and arms? So why strip them both entirely.

If she simply need to check that it didn't end up anywhere on their entire bodies, than their in trouble, cuase she didn't check under their pants lol.
Its either full body scan, or she can as the chapter makes clear, sense the curse without need for visuals😅 - They're are classier ways to do fanservice😉😅

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:24

Sep 11, 2023

To:F.C Fondness

That was the climax 😶 - Dachi didn't really do much to get there, its been like a single day, he was just as determined to find his sister against overwhelming odds in chapter 1 as he is in the Domination fight right.

I have to ask what exactly was complex about....any of it? He gets comatosed, wakes up, joins a guild, walks for a few chapters as the guild immediately shows its full of messed up people - Fight a little - Fight a boss - Run away -- Like nothing in these 20+ chapters is really complex enough that it would require more than a montage under other circumstances👀

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:23

Sep 11, 2023

Why you do this to me Fondness😆.

This chapter is alot, the perspective change is nice! But this is late in the game to suddenly throw in a secpnd PoV, moreover with a Sanae PoV I thought it might be slightly more clear why her personality sometimes fluctuates, but it seems not.

Like i said last chapter, this is alot of build up just to get to the wholesome stuff now - It doesn't feel like the 2/3rds point of a book, it feels like the prolounge has finally ended😅.

Also, call it a nitpick but like, why the feck did she need to take off all her clouths, just to tie a bit of fabric round her arm? Why'd she need to take off dachis trousers even? 😅😆

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:24

Sep 11, 2023

Huh - Leading uour whole team into a deadly dungeon just to laugh at a guy getting killed - Is a rather extensive prank lol😅.

I think I have this to say about Lone Star - There purpose seems simply to be the bad experience at the start of the isekai - Ala Arfeture or Shield Hero -- And, keeping examples like those in mind, this is waaaaaaaay too long and complex for what it needs to be.
I think it'd be much simpler if the guild system gave bonus exp when your party has a newbie in it - So Makoto brings newbs in, fights with them, and once they lose their newbie status - Shots em in the back and goes to get another Newbie -- You could do something like that in half the chapters, while having effectively the same impact📝

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:23

Sep 08, 2023

Oh also, pretty kwl that the raid boss has self-awarness -- An unexpected but very nice inclusion😎💪

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:21

Sep 08, 2023

Again we see Sanae kinda personality shift a little this chapter 📝 - Also it just crossed my mind, but if they've been stuck here for 2 years, someone like Daichi could totally make a living just singing new songs from those 2 years or something😆

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:21

Sep 06, 2023

Interesting chapter - You're really going for the whole, no real good guys, just messy people - Kinda thing📝

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:20

Sep 04, 2023

Dang that was an unexpected encounter 📝👀

Dominion's Paradise: IF

Chapter:19

Momentie

Novels

Gallery

Comments

Reviews

aaa