Dec 29, 2021
Did you add bits to this since my last comment๐ถ๐ถ?
Maybe I just skipped Haru's introduction, my bad๐
๐
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As I'm here, as a further add-on to my last comments on the wierd integration of Japanese words - I would also add that you should maybe stop explaining every name.
Don't get me wrong, I love a good name with a double meaning but part of the fun of that is it's subtlety.
In my duo novels the re-ocuring Character of 'Sabbon Vint' pilots a machine with the call-sign & number 27 on it.
Conversely his name lously translates to that very same number.
This is in part to highlight just how much people threat soldiers as little more then the machines they operate and also just a bit of 'punny' fun. Pretty much all the main names in UnderCurrent and ode to Nemos' work this way.
However, that is never once mentioned in the book, no one ever calls out the translation of his name.
What I'm trying to say is that it's just jaring to frequently get told what someone's name means for as yet no discernable reason.
I understand the allure, Japanese names often fascinate us English speakers but in actuality most Latin, Greek, European and English names actually have origins and translations - Yet wierldy I've never read a western book that took the time to explain the origins of the name 'John Smith' at random, ya know?
((Apologies if any of that sounds harsh, and apologies for using my own work as an example - I was gonna reference the Meloncoly of Haruhi Susamia but if you haven't seen that show, then using it as an example would be kinda spoilery))
Another point of note is the flipentce of the word 'rape'.
Certain words like 'said' are invisible to humans if your aren't looking - Equally words like 'rape' carry an automatic heavy meaning.
I'm not qualified enough to explain the phycology of this but put simply, each time you causally throw the word around, it subconsciously losses weigth in your readers mind if they start to associate it as meaning something minor, broad or ambiguous within the context of the text at hand.
Further other heavy words like 'Murder', 'Blugend' etc will also lose their impact as the reader expects you to mean less by them.
Ergo it would be better to say the men were trying to 'harass' or 'sexualy assault' Yuki rather then rape.
Alternately make the supposed rape more real, show that you mean business when you use a word like that - And how that then affects the characters involved or reflects on the state of the world around them in a more meaningful way then "bad men on street list after kawaii anime girl'.
To end on a positive spin, I absolutely the tangent about the bank notes at the end. Really clever and satisfying to read๐๐.
