Momentie / Comments

Momentie

Hi there,
This is the former home of my fiction - Unfortunately from drama, to a lack of innovation - To bugs that made the site unusable to me - My books are no longer being hosted here on here.

This in mind I'm leaving this note here to let people with an interest know you can find all my works in updated versions over on RoyalRoad & ScribbleHub - With plans for other releases yet to come.

For more info you can check out the final chapters of either 'UnderCurrent' or 'The Girl He Used to Know' - Which both depict my odd journey with this website😅.
HoneyFeed had its merits, it got me some feedback & I made some good friends here - But it is in effect the training wheels of web-noveling sites - If you are even slightly serious about your art or simply want a website that will teach you proper formatting & has an actual userbase - Then do yourself a favour, take off the training wheels & seek out the website that is right for you😊.

Best Regards,
-Momentie

registered at: Oct 14, 2021

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aaa

Dec 21, 2021

Oh wow I didn't except the elf lady Zaru had a crush on to be so important. Nice twist 😁 and I really like how well you characterised the guild leader and the elf, great work!

From Assassin to Demon lord

Chapter:7

Dec 21, 2021

Oh crap, Zaru really went phycopathic this chapter😅😅

From Assassin to Demon lord

Chapter:5

Dec 20, 2021

At first I thougth the meat would be a plot-hole but I love how you made it frost-giant flesh. Explains why the goddess didn't stick around for dinner😉😉.

However you could do with some grammer editing, spelling is a little rough and sometimes you use the wrong tense for a pharse.

Overall interesting stuff😊😊👍👍.

From Assassin to Demon lord

Chapter:4

Dec 20, 2021

'Looks like I've a village to burn' 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣.

I like how the dungeon feels like one of those overpowered player homes modded into most open-world RPGs 😂😂.

From Assassin to Demon lord

Chapter:3

Dec 20, 2021

To:Ochroleucous

I'm down for any arc that involves drinking with new buddies in new places, with your bio-mechanical animal mascot/weapon, all while working on your personal growth.

Sign me up😂😁.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:53

Dec 20, 2021

Oh crap, didn't see that coming😂😁.

Dance of Thorns

Chapter:3

Dec 20, 2021

You characterise the new girl really quickly, her almost arrogant thrust in her wind magic and fun banter with the orb are both great, plus the horror like elements work really well.

I know I keep saying it but this is some really great stuff!!

Dance of Thorns

Chapter:2

Dec 20, 2021

Holy crap man this is great.

The figth is engaging, the characters rapidly defined, world-building done nicely through dialogue and then that almost peotic haze dream at the end, plus the chapter flows really nicely in general.

No complaints at all thus far😊😁

Dance of Thorns

Chapter:1

Dec 19, 2021

A few things of note that I'll probably forget before I even finish tying this😅.

The farms are auesome, I love the use of the sci-fi/fantasy aesthetic to make stacked farms.
Them being abandoned for whole years on the other hand isn't actually that strange (I mean the farmers all moving away perhaps), most fields need down-time as it were, Nut I guess the point was more how long they're left unattended. (I come from a country built on farming, ignore my ramblings).

Your choice last chapter to have the snoring, lead to sleeping, lead to Rheibie and Odell getting there first proper chat together was a nice touch and I like their snarky budding rivalry of sorts😄😁.

I also love the idea of 6 great heros on a completely mundane car journey😂, like obviously more stuffs going to happen but a part of me just wants to watch an incredibly dull 7 day drive😄😂. In my own writing I always find it fun putting the characters in 'normal' circumstances - I plan on having them spend a sizable chunk of the fourth arc just drinking and maybe exploring a city if they have time between hitting the various bars😂😅.

Like the Neimidus circle, do you plan to expand on their personalities as extensions of the main cast?
Sort of like how a Digimon or Pokémon is an extension of their trainer/partner in those anime? Sounds like fun😊👍.

And interesting to see Gywn showing some motive.
He's understandable been talkin by the flow thus far, plus it's clearly in his nature to be interested by cultures and landscapes but it's great to see the seeds of an arc being planted - I presume it'll be about seeing him grow to fill the role of hero/leader? Sounds great😊👍.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:53

Dec 19, 2021

Short and sweet but still in need of some basic spell checking😉.

This definetly seems interesting 😊👍

SORRY

Chapter:2

Dec 19, 2021

To:Tony Raven

Happy to help bud😊👍

From Assassin to Demon lord

Chapter:1

Dec 18, 2021

To:ACHIEVE

K gave chapter 1 a proper read and wow, I'll definitely be trying the rest when I get time.

Despite your comment being somewhat un-confident, this is pretty great.
Shorthand paints the city and the enemy beast nicely. And your use of smell is excellent for such a short chapter.

Overall it's an opening that grabs your attention and even establishs your two leads very effectively. Great job👍👍

Dance of Thorns

Chapter:0

Dec 18, 2021

Your premise is really fun sounding and I absolutely Love your cover image (except the font, that kinda takes from it).

However you really need to do some basic editing here.
There are more paragraph breaks in this comment then in your chapter😅.

Further your spelling is a bit off, including getting 'date' - a word of high importance - wrong on its first (clearly intended to be impactful) mention😅.

There's also no description of sights, sounds or smells and no sense of flow to the dialogue.

Now that may all sound very damning but again I think this idea sounds really sweet, so I'd love to see you edit this to be a bit more readable, I'll be happy to comment on it again if you like in the future😊👍.

Good luck!

SORRY

Chapter:1

Dec 18, 2021

Hmmmmm. Interesting, few basic issues.

Who'es perspective is this from? It's unclear as your phrasing sounds third person but your narration implies it's from the protagonist's view.

Also try to think a little more on the flow of dialogue. An easy tip is to read it allowed and see if it rolls off the tounge.

Interesting stuff, reminds of that sword reincarnation isekai novel.

From Assassin to Demon lord

Chapter:1

Dec 18, 2021

Strong opening chapter😊👍.

From Assassin to Demon lord

Chapter:0