Momentie / Comments

Momentie

Hi there,
This is the former home of my fiction - Unfortunately from drama, to a lack of innovation - To bugs that made the site unusable to me - My books are no longer being hosted here on here.

This in mind I'm leaving this note here to let people with an interest know you can find all my works in updated versions over on RoyalRoad & ScribbleHub - With plans for other releases yet to come.

For more info you can check out the final chapters of either 'UnderCurrent' or 'The Girl He Used to Know' - Which both depict my odd journey with this website😅.
HoneyFeed had its merits, it got me some feedback & I made some good friends here - But it is in effect the training wheels of web-noveling sites - If you are even slightly serious about your art or simply want a website that will teach you proper formatting & has an actual userbase - Then do yourself a favour, take off the training wheels & seek out the website that is right for you😊.

Best Regards,
-Momentie

registered at: Oct 14, 2021

Roles

Author

Badge

bronze

What is Badge?

Achievement

What is an Achievement?

Report this user

Novels

Gallery

Comments

Reviews

aaa

Dec 12, 2021

I'm loving the group dynamic, espically poor miss idol fan Rheba😂.

I migth suggest similar to my last comment that your a bit more clear on Hal, the others have all had ample spotlight so I have images of them but Hal is a bit non-present(obviously that's partially due to his resvered attitude which I understand).

I'm looking forward to the foreshadowing beach episode too😂😂.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:48

Dec 11, 2021

To:Vnator

Glad I didn't come across as unreasonable😂, good luck with your second draft😊👍

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:23

Dec 11, 2021

(Sorry to keep spaming you with with comments).

I just want to put down my bets now that the old party will be with the hero and will get histories most awkward reunion in a masterstroke of comedy writing.

Fingers crossed 😂😂

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:24

Dec 11, 2021

Hmmmm-m.

I'm a little mixed on this one (I hate being harsh lol), a few things;

Gus and Athrim have a great dynamic but it comes across as you not having faith in your own dialogue.
You frequently describe something which the dialogue itself is already saying, which makes what would be natural - feel unnatural.
You shouldn't need to tell me every time that something was teasing, the words themselves should say that ya know.

Additional it feels like something of a minor plot contrivence that they can't give Antrim money, even more so when you consider selling a single piece of his armour would probably net him a sizable profit😅.
This wouldn't be to big a deal, but you esseientally have him solve his money issues 'off-screen' as it were in this chapter, making the whole money thing feel irrelevant😅.

If I'm being honest I think It would work much better if like in the early chapters, you'd given us fun world-building and investigative work through Antrim working the post-office, rather then 3 sizable chapters about kobalts😂.
(Also many medieval societies had indoor plumbing, you don't need magic for that, thrust me I used to be an apprentice-fitter and stores manager for a water threatment company😂😉).

Overall you've obviously written alot since this so my critics here may be irrelevant compared to the stuff your writing presently, in which case you can overlook these grips 😊👍.

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:23

Dec 11, 2021

To:Pearlyn.M

Glad to be of service, I'll look forward to reading the rest😊👍.

REALM ASSASSIN

Chapter:1

Dec 11, 2021

I-i...a-? Wha, what?

😅😅 Gotta admit this arcs been a bit rough mate. I presumed the build up for the foreman being on equal footing with current Antrom was so that the hero could step in and save the day, therefore establishing him/her as a powerful force but then a magic tree lady appeared?

I guess the purpose of this arc is to set up the mysterious of the world but it feels off.

Like I feel really bad for the kobalds and their internal bleeding😅, it's like your murdering team rocket, ya know hyper violence towards the comic relief feels a bit sudden😅.

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:22

Dec 11, 2021

Hmmmmm, no issue with it beging disorientating and mysterious as that seems to be what dolly is also feeling, rather I would draw attention to your combat.

It feels a bit like animation, you have the key frames in your head - images like the floating red hat and what not, but you don't have the in-betweens.

You expertly describe the little girl's face transformation but not what happens to the rest of her, so when you write that she's started throwing rocks, I'm at a loss for what to picture😅😅.
You also frequently state someone's been hit by an impact but not the sounds of it, the sickening crunches or the bending bones - This causes it to be a bit weightless.

Further the corridor is really hard to picture, it's supposedly filled with people but how big is it? I'd personally add something like a single line stating it to be the size of a subway or some such other relatable thing to give your readers a nice easy context to visualise.

Also it would help alot if dolly gave her name before the figth. At points in the battle you use the word 'girl' for both dolly and the monster which is awkward. The rest of the time you have way to much reliance on 'the android', knowing her name is dolly would greatly improve the word variety and flow of the chapter.

Overall a very intriguing chapter and I look foward to seeing how your combat improves with time, also love the corrupted text at the end😁✌️😊👍.

REALM ASSASSIN

Chapter:1

Dec 10, 2021

Oh wow what a solid opening.

I've seen this novel on the home page and now that I've started this looks to be something speical.
Effective description, natural establishments of in-world rules & exposition and awesome art-work, all in a nice curt, intriguing hook of an opener.

I'm excited to find time to read the rest😊😄👍.

REALM ASSASSIN

Chapter:0

Dec 10, 2021

To:Ochroleucous

I can definitely understand your logic.

I'll look foward to Coltons future guest appearances😂😂😉😉

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:47

Dec 10, 2021

Stuff I said in the last chapter still applies here but also I really love this chapter.

I said it a while ago but you've done a great job of introducing and establishing the group one by one over the chapters and now I can't help but look forward to seeing them all work as a team😃😊
(though I was kinda hoping Colton would get to come along🤣😛)

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:47

Dec 10, 2021

Hmm, this probably wouldn't be a problem for someone reading a complete book version of this but as something read on a chapterily basis it's a bit hard to keep track of everyone in this chapter.

The species names haven't really had time for memorising just yet, so while I had a clear image of Odell's Father and Queen Whitlock, everyone else sort of blended together.

I'd personally try to incorporate their dialogue to reflect their species a-bit;
'"Insert Comment Said By Character" said Queen Whitlock, her pale blue skin seemingly glowing with sorrow at the mention of her fallen husband.'

That sort of thing - That's not to say you don't already do that but in a chapter with so many races, it could use more of it if ya get me.

Aside from that though, I'm really loving the fact that the King really is staying dead (nice detail having the bird on the queen shoulder to) and what a brilliant way to introduce what I take will be the main plot. Great chapter!😊😎.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:46

Dec 09, 2021

Wow crap you posted so many chapters this week!!

I gotta read through these, espically with a title like 'assembling a team". Finally time to see the gang from the cover art eh?😁.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:47

Dec 08, 2021

This seems like a really great idea. Telling the story from a true first person perspective is freshing, along side the nice narritive trick of posting on a date that matches the real world.

Further I'm a fan of books like Dune that work in media Res, my own stuff tends to veer in that direction and it's alot of fun writing a book within a book as it were.

Looking forward to more😊👍.

The Last Noel

Chapter:2

Dec 08, 2021

Nice opening, also I love your cover art, How'd you get something commissioned so quickly😶😶😁😁

The Last Noel

Chapter:1

Dec 07, 2021

Hmmm there alot here in this story and it's clear you've got some pretty great ideas.

The 12 gods thing is for real interesting, especially the idea that like with people 'power corrupts'.

However it's all just held back by alot of building block things.

You haven't really described anything, the goblins of this chapter are so far the clearest thing in my head(to give credit where due I think you quite nicely detailed the goblins).

I don't know what the hero looks like, or snow hair or mentor-kun or even what the town looks like ya know?

Further it's hard to get a fix on anything.
This chapter is an improvement in that you both foreshadowed and have now paid off what mentor-kun's premise is but on the other hand you have our main protag being pretty chill about witnessing his first masacar of both dead humans and living goblins.

Theres a lot of smaller stuff too, like the flipentness of cutting off your prisoners legs😅😅 and your general lack of word variety.

So like I said, I think they'res something really cool in here but it needs some polish, some time spent refining it as it were👍👍

Paradox

Chapter:5