Momentie / Comments

Momentie

Hi there,
This is the former home of my fiction - Unfortunately from drama, to a lack of innovation - To bugs that made the site unusable to me - My books are no longer being hosted here on here.

This in mind I'm leaving this note here to let people with an interest know you can find all my works in updated versions over on RoyalRoad & ScribbleHub - With plans for other releases yet to come.

For more info you can check out the final chapters of either 'UnderCurrent' or 'The Girl He Used to Know' - Which both depict my odd journey with this website😅.
HoneyFeed had its merits, it got me some feedback & I made some good friends here - But it is in effect the training wheels of web-noveling sites - If you are even slightly serious about your art or simply want a website that will teach you proper formatting & has an actual userbase - Then do yourself a favour, take off the training wheels & seek out the website that is right for you😊.

Best Regards,
-Momentie

registered at: Oct 14, 2021

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aaa

Dec 22, 2021

Hmmmmmmm interesting chapter indeed, I like the quick and efficient way our intellectual survivor sets about ticking the post-apocaliptic check-boxes + I love the detail about the metro drivers and news papers😂😉.

Honourifics and Japanese on the other hand is something I'm unsure of.
I won't be able to say until I've read more but often using such things just pulls people out of the story.

You used the Japanese equivalent of 'bast*rd' for example, but had to add brackets to explain what it meant which is sort of bad.

Further you could simply say, " I saw the lighter, Bamboo crafted shinai to one side but choose instead the more sturdy and durable wooden blade" - Something like that would entirely removed the need to add bracketed explaintions of the different styles of kendo practise weapons.

Honourifics are as I said tricky.
If used sparingly they can work well but often it's rather pointless to use 'senpai' over 'Mr/Ms/ My senior' or to use 'Nee-Chan' over 'Sis'.
Again this may work fine in your stories context but its something I guess I'll come back to as I read more.

Hope that doesn't sound harsh, aside from the incorporation of Japanese (which to be fair could be simply chalked down to the protag being japanesse)
-I otherwise really liked this chapter 😊.
Looking forward to more😎👍.

The Time Capsule - Part 1

Chapter:1

Dec 22, 2021

To:N. D. Skordilis

That's super kind of you, thought the cover is decieving, I simply changed it to fit the festive season, the book is far longer than a short Christmas story😂😊.

And that's a great Maxim 😁, generally I do try to follow that myself but I still tend to end up over detailing😂.

Thanks for taking an interest 😊😊.

The Time Capsule - Part 1

Chapter:0

Dec 22, 2021

Certainly an interesting opener😅😅.

I'll need to read more before I can make too much of a conclusion but definitely intriguing 👍👍.

I Married a Perverted Pink Haired Demon Princess

Chapter:1

Dec 22, 2021

To:Jon Spencer

Ah I see, kudos to your friend Jacob then😊.

And yes I've been reading through this story from time to time, it's got some issues but I think it's got a lot of potential to turn out great with some polish😄☺️.

Arc Incidents

Chapter:3

Dec 22, 2021

Ya I agree with @Gen/Esis , interesting opener but go find yourself the edit button buddy, first impressions are important 😊👍.

The God's Only Lady

Chapter:1

Dec 22, 2021

To:Kurski-Umagi

Migth be worth changing, it will probably wierd people out of reading😅😅

My Smiling Boyfriend

Chapter:1

Dec 22, 2021

To:Jon Spencer

Huh, fancy seeing you hear, you the same person who has that movie review blog?

I read the spider man and ghost busters reviews there and quite liked them, guess you must like your animes too? 😊😊

Arc Incidents

Chapter:3

Dec 22, 2021

It's ummmm, not healthy (or generally very legal) for kids to spend long periods in hot tubs.......- see now I feel like I'm nitpicking😂😂.

How big is the city? It migth help to have like a info summary chapter, ya know make it fun of course.
Have something like the AI high council disccussing the ship's specs.
--As it stands it's just vague.
It sounds like an entire city state with a self sustaining eco-system, economy and education sector, accept of course something like that would be impossible without a government, which they seemingly don't have?
Also I thought the civilians were just meant to be the crews family, how many crew are there if their families equate to a whole on-board metropolis?😶😶.

Finally people keep calling it Charlotte's ship and I guess that's a creative choice but it's a bit wierd.
Usually if a Captain says 'this is my ship!' it's a sign of conflict or even narcissism but everyone acts as though Charlotte is paying the mortgage on the place😅😅.
A ship's Captain is like a state goverener, they're in charge of the law and safety of the people but they don't own jack, they have stewardship as if were - Then again that may be me nick-picking again😅😅.

Arc Incidents

Chapter:5

Dec 22, 2021

Oh and.... Merry Christmas 😊😊👍👍

Arc Incidents

Chapter:4

Dec 22, 2021

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
I kinda feel bad commenting on these, I think I come across as harsh😅😅 but here we are.

Can I ask why everyone is so young?😅 Like it's one thing having it be just the Captain but now the Captain's of the other ships too? Like why, is it just cause - Anime?

And tf was that meeting😂, these are officers with equal rank rigth? They don't just get to bully the new girl surely?
Don't get me wrong I'm all for officers bickering, it can be a great opportunity for natural exposition and character beats but this felt like something out of a highschool' drama between the cheerleader squad members.

Finally is it not a bit strange that the super Ai neither sent a representative or pre-planed the cities?
Like it's bad enough a girl who's barely old enough to have a collage degree is in charge of a spaceship but now she also gets to decide how the city of innocent civilians is run? What qualifications & experience can she possibly have for all this😅😅.

I get the impression with a lot of this your going for a Macross or Gundam style thing but in those shows the crew is young out of necessity and they act out of desperation.
It's really hurting your world-building alot that you aren't thinking the cause and effect of things through.

In my own work I find thinking logically about something is far more fun and engaging - Now obviously we all have different styles, but what I mean is that a reader can detect when you haven't really put enough though into something.

You could easily fix the captain's thing by having Emeralds be a rugid older person with the rank of 'Head-Captain' or 'Admiral', characterising them as someone stuck in their ways compared to the youthful next generation.

And the civilian thing, though it'll be a neat idea to see how each ship develops, is just a bit much for the old suspension of disbelief.

I hope that all doesn't sound too harsh, feel free to critic my book for revenge😂😂😂😂

Arc Incidents

Chapter:4

Dec 21, 2021

To:Pearlyn.M

I know watcha mean, I'd love to see people guessing at the twists in my book😁.

And yea this was a really great chapter 😊

REALM ASSASSIN

Chapter:4

Dec 21, 2021

Great opener, I like the use of Japan's aging population as a story beat, rather then it being arbritarily set there.

I also quite like the explanation of him speaking English, it's a nice touch and adds credence to the idea the author is really there in the moment.

I use a similar 'book written from an in-universe author' standpoint, though in my case it's needlessly conveluted lol😂😂.

I'll definitely read more soon😊👍.

The Time Capsule - Part 1

Chapter:0

Dec 21, 2021

Poor Yuki has too much competition 😅😅

From Assassin to Demon lord

Chapter:9

Dec 21, 2021

Oh man, I guess I should of expected as much from the competition winner but this hits hard, poor Noah, poor Dolly, poor readers😂😂😭😭

REALM ASSASSIN

Chapter:5

Dec 21, 2021

God I love the setting for this scene, it's the sort of thing I hope to be able to paint in my own work.

I also think Noah and Dolly have been brilliantly characterised in such a short time span (plus the other dolly and friend).
They're budding relation is nice and feels realistic for an android and human duo - And great way to naturally delivery backstory + world-building through wholesome(&tragic) dialogue.

I reckon a certain creator who made dolly migth just be Noah's da----

NOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, OH GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!!!!!!

(😂😂😂😂)

REALM ASSASSIN

Chapter:4