Oct 13, 2022
To preface this review, I have to thank Meg for highly recommending this story to me, I'm very glad that they did so because I enjoyed my time thoroughly. Additionally, I am not the type to gush over things so I will use this primarily as a platform for critique, but just know that if my fingers were fully functional, I would be drawing fanart of this story.
Anywho, I feel that the strongest aspects of this story so far are the world building and the way that you've adapted the world and thematic elements of Alice in wonderland to this hybrid shojo-shonen plot. There's a very simple pleasure in seeing various pre-existing wonderland ideas reinterpreted through a anime light novel lens, and the character dynamics are quite fun, especially as the story goes on.
This brings me to my biggest critique of the story, which is that a lot of the earlier dialogue, especially the time we spend in Allen's headspace, can be quite forgettable in the edgy teenager way. I found myself fast forwarding through a lot of his dialogue up until around chapter 6 or 7 or so, because the primary dynamic between him and Zuria for the first half of the story was them standing around, with him saying mean boy thing and Zuria replying with exposition of more world building stuff.
That brings me to my second point, which is while Zuria and Ambrosia and their world building details are are definitely interesting, the story plays out like characters standing around and talking up until chapter 13 when Pierce bursts in through the wall. With how much genuinely really cool detail you've written up about this world and the factional dynamics, I feel like the better choice would have been to have all of this information conveyed dynamically as the characters, particularly Allen, got the chance to move through and explore this wacky wonderland.
And yet, to sandwich my critique, the later portions of the story grow quite strong in both the character dynamic and world intrigue departments, as well as smoother in the dialogue department. I'm really engaged with the narrative so far, and I hope to get more of it soon, as Allen's role as Alice has started to genuinely intrigued me with how the gender Dynamics are playing out, and with how both Zuria and Pierce have already seemed to have taken a liking to him. I always love a story that explores gender dynamics in a fresh way, and I'm interested in seeing how Alan inevitably goes from the standard 15-year-old "ew girls dumb" to a more rounded, accepting opinion.
Regardless, I want to highlight that in particular I find the factional system very engaging, as well as the whole idea of the spiral world in which you would have to constantly dig down even if you want to go up. It feels very in character for a Lewis Carroll inspired world, and I'm actively excited to see how you interpret even more of the iconic wonderland characters / set pieces. Anyways, this review has gone on long enough, so let me know if you want (even) more detailed thoughts via discord.
Kisses~
Kya.
