Aug 14, 2022
I'm glad I gave the story five chapters instead of three, as I feel like the big oh crap twist moment is very compelling.
Overall, the world building is pretty watertight, and much more detailed than I expected. The title didn't quite prepare me for the rather serious angle I suppose, because I wasn't expecting this sort of intricate, high concept mystery that wasn't merely just a murder mystery set in another world. For that, I commend the work on its originality, and I don't really have anything in terms of sharp critique.
My only potential worry is that both the writing and the premise seem rather high concept, which is entirely in line for cyberpunk as a genre, but may not be as suited to a web/light novel format if that makes sense. There's a lot of very necessary and also pretty cool breakdowns of how the world works, how magic works, and the like, but the pacing does take a small hit from stopping to explore all these things. I'm not entirely sure how to address it, as the story so far seems to know exactly where it's going and what it's doing, so perhaps this is just a matter of a small and not very relevant personal note. But if you do plan on making some sorts of edits, I would highly recommend shifting around the scenes a little bit as to display this chapter's reveal a little bit earlier, as if I only read the first three chapters as I planned I wouldn't have reached this particular turn that I found quite engaging.
