Oct 07, 2023
I like the tone of this work. The self-loathing protagonist might be grating, but seeing her fumble around with her friends and dodge around all her regrets still feels fun when the characters are all very willing to follow whatever catches their fancy on a whim, giving them a kind of unbound optimism that feels freeing. I was listening to the pillows through most of my reading, and the kamattechan song referenced in the title near the end, and both gelled great with that atmosphere. As flatly sorrowful as she is, the mc is at least relatable. She could maybe do with some more fleshed-out positive personality traits? My favorite bit was her talking about avoiding her friends just because of how she sees herself as nuisance, that’s pretty real. Otherwise, my main critiques would lie in the prose- the narration can feel repetitive at times, just thanks to the character, and the dialogue isn’t the most convincing I’ve seen, even if it’s far from the worst. It did super improve over the course of these chapters, so I can see it getting better. My only real recommendation would be stepping up either the plot or character relationships a little, as there’s only ever one thing going on at a time so far and while the pacing’s fine that can make the story feel a little stale at times. Happy writing~
