Aug 10, 2022
Heh, loving the monologue. I'm liking the main character's personality already. People here have already mentioned your long ass paragraph walls, so I'll try to give you a tip on that.
Try to separate things when you feel like they should be separated. It's fine to have short pieces of words spread out. I would say you should go separate lines that aren't related to each other in some way.
Maybe the questions he asks in his head should be separated from when he's describing what's going on? Or separate thoughts from actions?
It's a bit hard to explain, but it's something you'll notice other novels too.
An example would be my comment, where I could have just bunched all of the words into one single paragraph, but I decided to spilt them into parts to make it feel easier to read.
Although, the way spacing and separating works is different for everyone's style, so it's up to you on what's most comfty.
