Oct 19, 2023
Hey, your novel just popped up at me and I thought I would read it. I did finish it but you kinda lost me right from the beginning. So let me tell you a little of criticism I have as a reader and as a fellow author.
1. Being diagnosed with a leukemia and having only 3 days to live is beyond a stretch. That's too unrealistic and you come off as a little child trying to retell a story he heard xD .. I would change it to "Six months ago, I was diagnosed with a leukemia. I was recently admitted to the hospital, because my days are numbered..." or something like that. Which leads me to second point.
2. You write that the girl and the boy spent a lot of time together. You may have meant only those two or three days but it certainly isn't coming off like that. If you change the first sentence, this inconsistency may be eliminated.
3. You repeat words too often. Just in the second paragraph you repeat "comfortable" and in the third "hoping".
4. Overall I am being lost in the scene transitions, you wanted to pull so many scenarios together that it became a mess and I don't know when the girl went from "I wanted to die anyway" to "I don't wanna die".
5. Your grammar is very bad, you have to thoroughly check your spelling, punctuation, capital letters at the start of the sentence etc.
Good luck! :))
