lolitroy / Comments

lolitroy

I usually read back as a courtesy but if you're gonna read JUST so I return the favor, heed my warning: I won't

apparently my writing style is too avant-garde for the weebs or some shit but if you ask me that's just a polite way to tell me I have terminal skill issue

registered at: Aug 04, 2022

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aaa

May 13, 2025

that first paragraph feels like a personal attack

Will you give this cute tsundere love?

Chapter:1

May 13, 2025

I'm sorry but what the fuck happened these last two chapters I'm so lost
pls explain

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:35

May 13, 2025

i thought I'd gotten used to the extremely jarring transitions but apparently not

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:34

May 13, 2025

ok now im convinced they got dumber post timeskip
tina is a plot device cartoon villain and so is fuhai to show their character development or whatever but this aint it where catharsis

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:31

May 13, 2025

I did feel for kaji even if gurumi had more death flags than a mentor but hoshina's chapters are so matter of fact that I fail to discern any emotion
this also happened last chapter where i thought it was kaji dissociating because of how weirdly vague snd distant everything was, but no? It was just hoshina wanting fucc idk

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:30

May 13, 2025

kaji: sis my mom got repeatedly SA'd and my sister got killed by ur ppl (sad tch)
hoshina: mmm sad let's fuck

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:29

May 13, 2025

the one time he has an actusl reason to sock someone and he doesnt tf

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:28

May 13, 2025

To:Cashew Cocoa

It used to be more

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:6

May 12, 2025

To:znf

critim,,,,
for sure, I could definitely feel the "ran out of time/words" crunch like two thirds in
I've thought about the author/character thought thing before and I think I've yet to find the balance, but I also wonder how knowing the author affects this vs. knowing the author through the story so to say (though sometimes I can tell it was "the author" thinking rather than the character even if I've never interacted with them before, which in this instance I agree would be the case)

thank you for critim I appreciate it I'll probably trim most of the loloposting during rewrites, so thank you for pointing out specifics, and honestly, I would agree that the prose is better this time around, even if both were first drafts that imploded near the end due to skill issue

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:29

May 12, 2025

holy fucking shit just kiss

also
are we never gonna get an explanation as to why genta was there or why he shares names with them and knows more about the outside world tf I was waiting for some big reveal about him being a scientist and observing the tribes fighting each other like it's human natgeo surely he's not a narrative device is he... surely...

anyway, looking forward to see how they react to the shitshow going on
on one hand I honestly really like the romance so far, but on the other it would've been nice to see the small moments where they connect rather than a random sIX MONTH TIME JUMp but I digress

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:26

May 12, 2025

what is mr. G doing there anyway
where did she get the swimsuit from
if they've been there six months does kaji regularly work out of

more importantly tho: T-TCH >\\\\< 💦 - kaji 2k25

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:25

May 12, 2025

these fucking pov changes man

also LMAO as if on cue

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:24

May 12, 2025

To:Cashew Cocoa

fair enough, that's basically what i'm doing anyway

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:4

May 12, 2025

called it

Also, honestly, i feel like this would've hit harder if it wasn't so disjointed. Like b*bbles said, i'm too busy trying to figure out why how when what where to really get into the scene, and it's told so matter of factly that it feels like reading a news article. This works pretty well for dialogue heavy chapters, but for these ones... idk

This is moreso a me thing, but I also found it hard to find emotion in this scene because Kaji and Hoshina barely even seem to think about their families. While Kaji's mom is getting abused and his sister and friend died, he's being horny with one of the enemies. I get it's the intention but it's so ironic that it circles back to being darkly comedic. Once he finds out I assume the tch will become GRRR U TRAITOR while Hoshina is like bro i aint did nothing (sorry tho >\\\<) but we'll see

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:23

May 12, 2025

To:Stief

Honestly, any exposition so far has felt fine to me... in part because there is so little. I would say don't be afraid of building your world. It's fantasy, after all, and it doesn't seem to be a cookie cutter isekai power fantasy where people fill in the blanks because of how little it matters there.

One of the best (imo) authors here told me that the first draft is us telling the stories to ourselves, and I'd say i stand by that. If you're writing on the fly (no pun intended) then inconsistencies are not only expected but inevitable. It's nothing editing can't fix, honestly. If you're pantsing it, you can always fill in the blanks as you go. For Uatchita I'd honestly suggest just getting rid of that scene since I don't see how she'd be so nonchalant about Kiyah eating a human in front of her after impersonating her but idk, I honestly thought Uatchita was fine with killing until the nightmare, and even then it was kind of unclear (since the first scene was also kind of unclear, or maybe i'm just dumb and missed the line explaining that Kiyah had lured the guy)

Flygirl In The Hole

Chapter:6

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