Apr 28, 2025
To:Nika Zimt
I'm glad it's helpful
yeah I think so too. I honestly don't think it's anything a second draft can't fix, especially when it comes to any underexplored elements you might want to dive deeper into, but I would also suggest maybe considering which beats might fit your story and which don't, or how to include them based on setups/payoffs rather than because the template says so.
For this story in particular, in my humble opinion, it just feels like its ideas need fleshing out in general, so maybe as the story develops, the climax would benefit from more emotional stakes beyond will he stay or not since we already know the answer is yes. Maybe see the forest for the trees a bit more idk I think you have pretty fun ideas but focus on them and your goal too much rather than letting the world and characters develop which is why they feel kind of two dimensional even with strong traits, and i also think Toma escaped this by virtue of the story's unorthodox format which made her arc feel human and realistic. Maybe it's about finding that balance idk