lolitroy / Comments

lolitroy

I usually read back as a courtesy but if you're gonna read JUST so I return the favor, heed my warning: I won't.

apparently my writing style is too avant-garde for the weebs or some shit but if you ask me that's just a polite way to tell me I have terminal skill issue

registered at: Aug 04, 2022

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Jan 03, 2026

To:Moon

[french insult, derogatory]

Seashells and Other Broken Things

Chapter:3

Jan 03, 2026

,,,,,,,,,well, now I feel better about choosing the other prompt
if I'd chosen this one I'd be waving a white flag rn

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:2

Jan 03, 2026

To:Lihinel

skill issue tbh

Seashells and Other Broken Things

Chapter:2

Jan 03, 2026

To:Idal_Enn

unironically this story has been 15% writing 85% geography/history/linguistics research
medical practices too but there's,,, a bit more artistic license there, let's call it that

Seashells and Other Broken Things

Chapter:3

Jan 03, 2026

yeah no the semicolon broke me
it wasn't even technically wrong this time; i just get annoyed when they're followed by conjuctions

It's 3 AM so take this with a grain of salt (genuinely) because it might be the sleep deprivation and trying to parse those chonker paragraphs on my phone, but despite having a common thread, it feels like a lot of the story so far is "and then this happened" rather than a sequence of events out of which, if you take one out, the rest falls apart. It doesn't necessarily have to be a plot beat. Even a character beat could work, but while it does feel like the quipping went down a bit (or maybe I'm just numb), the characters kind of feel like they're in the same "base state". If your story is meant to be fun and not some character drama there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but maybe stop and think about the contest reqs...

Sipping From the Caterpillar's Cocoon

Chapter:10

Jan 03, 2026

A common complaint I have with a lot, if not most, of stories I read here is that characters tend to just be kind of there. Something weird happening here is that they HAVE their personalities, and pretty strong ones, but it feels less like they're individuals and more like they talk and act this way because of you, the author. It's hard to explain, but some writers in general seem to have such a strong voice that it "poisons" the characters if you will. Everyone quipping and trying to be clever was driving me bonkers, but once I was like 'ah. never mind. this is the author' it got a lot more tolerable.

With that said, while I don't think it's as much of a sin as its counterpart, it does feel like I can't get attached to anyone because even if some of the things they've gone through are objectively terrible and I should, in theory, root for them, I just can't because they immediately make a quip or bAnTeR which destroys what little tension there might have been.

Unironically my favorite chapter might be the shortest one precisely because there was none of this. Your prose can get pretty visceral and atmospheric, so it's pretty cool to read through those passages... while they last anyway.

Again, I get the point is to have a dynamic duo that gets along and can bounce off each other, but often writing is like painting in the sense that you can use and abuse color theory all you want, but it's meaningless without CONTRAST.

Sipping From the Caterpillar's Cocoon

Chapter:8

Jan 03, 2026

THEY ALL TALK LIKE THAT MY GOD
entomology is based so I forgive kira, but everyone else needs to get spanked

Sipping From the Caterpillar's Cocoon

Chapter:5

Jan 03, 2026

ok thank fuck this one was a lot better. also that indirect characterization isn't as indirect as you think. AS YOU KNOW

Sipping From the Caterpillar's Cocoon

Chapter:4

Jan 03, 2026

I'm gonna be real, the constant zingers and quippy dialogue is starting to get tiring. I get what you're trying to do, but it's very frontloaded and there's no breathing room whatsoever, so it's almost suffocating. It doesn't help that the first half has characters speaking the exact same way with 0 dialogue tags to differentiate them until later on, and then it's more nonstop quipping (I know they name each other in dialogue as a substitute, but said is not dead for a reason). They seem to have a fun relationship and that dynamic duo type chemistry but good LORD if everyone talks like this my brain will melt

Sipping From the Caterpillar's Cocoon

Chapter:3

Jan 03, 2026

those semicolons.

Sipping From the Caterpillar's Cocoon

Chapter:2

Jan 03, 2026

fucking. misuse of semicolon. under different circumstances I would've dropped this.

on a more serious note, I'd suggest breaking the paragraphs up a bit, at least the opening ones, because they are a CHONKER on mobile

Sipping From the Caterpillar's Cocoon

Chapter:1

Jan 03, 2026

To:Mario Nakano 64

at least one of them is bald

Seashells and Other Broken Things

Chapter:2

Jan 03, 2026

To:Idal_Enn

it's a 4D chess move
if you saw not(celebrityyouparasociallyhate) picking an argument with you, surely you wouldn't think it's actually them
not at first anyway...

Seashells and Other Broken Things

Chapter:2

Jan 03, 2026

To:Mario Nakano 64

me too...

Seashells and Other Broken Things

Chapter:1

Jan 02, 2026

To:Moon

keep ur enemies close they say

Seashells and Other Broken Things

Chapter:2

lolitroy

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